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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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PHP Logo

PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
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Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
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PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
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Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
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c4ca4238a0b923820dcc509a6f75849b phpinfo()
PHP Logo

PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
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Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

c4ca4238a0b923820dcc509a6f75849b
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 鸭 | 贱萌萌_节操笑话|萌图,内涵图,内涵段子,搞笑图片,笑话

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  • kandicepaspalis am9:16 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 鸭   

    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图 

    1、新郎取了位女汉子新娘!
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    2、新郎大变身,结个婚不容易啊
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    3、新郎被集体批斗,奸夫。。。
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    4、新郎被抹黑,入洞房时新娘能识出么?
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    5、新郎、新娘你们有考虑鸭脚的感受么?
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    6、新娘被新朗好友集体喷射,形象全毁了!
    婚礼上的超级恶搞新娘新郎图

    0
     
  • patrickkawamoto am11:47 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: , , 鸭   

    研究接口问题-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    单身定律:男人单身,是因为没有女人给予爱;女人单身,是因为没有男人值得爱。男人坚持单身是因为找不到对象;女人坚持单身是因为找不到好对象。男人坚持独身,人们会以为他有事业心;女人坚持独身,人们会以为她有毛玻

    欣赏·崇拜定律:男人对女人欣赏,使女人多了妩媚和灵气;女人对男人崇拜,使男人有了力量和勇气。男人对女人过分欣赏,使女人轻浮自欺;女人对男人盲目崇拜,使男人自命不凡。

    糊涂·精明定律:男人糊涂一世但在热恋时绝对精明;女人精明一生但在热恋时特别糊涂。

    两难定律:男人——没有女人心疼,有了女人头疼;女人——没有男人心慌,有了男人心烦。

    心愿定律:男人的心愿是自己的腰包丰满,所以男人为了炫耀自己的钱财,衣服就越穿越多;女人的心愿是自己的身材苗条,所以女人为了炫耀自己的身材,衣服就越穿越少。

    约会定律:男人约会有意先到是为了讨好对方;女人约会故意迟到是为了考验对方。

    关注定律:男人关注大家关注的女人;女人关注自己心上的男人。

    失恋定律:男人失恋时,他会花时间忙事业当作报复;女人失恋时,她会把报复当作事业来做。

    忍受定律:男人能够忍受不幸的爱情,不能忍受不幸的婚姻;女人能够忍受不幸的婚姻,不能忍受不幸的爱情。

    反感定律:男人最反感老婆喋喋不休的埋怨;女人最讨厌老公默默无语的状态。

    恋爱期间定律:男人在恋爱时急于生理上的亲近,女人在恋爱期间乐于心理上的亲近。所以,男人此时渴望对方裸露身体,女人此时渴望对方裸露心灵。

    拿手好戏定律:男人的拿手好戏是撒谎;女人的拿手好戏是撒娇。

    欲望定律:男人的欲望是被人承认,女人的欲望是被人疼爱。

    接吻定律:男人接吻是为了体验刺激,女人接吻是为了体验恩爱。

    逛商店定律:男人若想陪老婆逛商店,最好多带一张信用卡;女人若想邀老公逛商店,最好找一个有座位的店。男人逛商店,越逛越委靡不振;女人逛商店,越逛越兴奋。男人逛商店只买自己急用的东西,女人逛商店每样都想买。

    2丶

    当电话响一声挂断时就是代表:我想你。

    当电话响二声挂断时就是代表:我爱你。

    当电话响三声挂断时就是代表:我在思念你。

    当电话响四声挂断时就是代表:我想见你。

    当电话响五声挂断时就是代表:X的!我有事找你啦!还不快过来听电话!!!

    3丶

    当男人发现早已对身旁的女人失去了心动的感觉,就要当机立断,勇敢地提出分手的要求。不过,分手的理由繁如众星,该选择哪一种最具杀伤力呢?这里帮诸位于欲海翻腾的情场浪子们归纳整理出从此挥别单调的分手借口:

    哲学上的说法:”我们终究无法消除结构主义上的二元对立矛盾,是该迈向解构主义的时候了”

    物理学上的说法:”请原谅我不能承受你在床上的重力加速度……。”

    生物学上的说法:”我昨天把我的精子忘在你朋友的子宫里,不过不用担心,十个月后它会自己长大掉出来。”

    数学上的说法:”我已厌倦你的平面,因为,我爱上一个拥有超大弧形的女人。”

    乐理上的说法:”我们拥有最美的恋曲,那是我生命中最珍贵的的交响乐。不过,是该下休止符的时候了。”

    宗教学上的说法:”缘起性空,诸法轮转,是以一切生灭俱为无常幻象。施主保重,就此告别。阿弥陀佛!”

    文学性的说法:”鲁迅说:‘你是黑夜,而我是白天。白天只能跟太阳在一起。’请你静静地听我说:‘你是南极,而我是北极,我现在要去找那头美丽北极熊跟她在一起。’”

    惊悚的说法:”我爱上了一个男人。”

    星座血型上的说法:”因为你是A型巨蟹座,金星落在月亮星座;而我是O型牡羊座,木星在太阳星座。如果我们勉强在一起,火星跟冥王星会互撞而爆炸……。”

    真情告白式的说法:”今天我要坦承一切,来面对你的真心。是的!我发现我是真的爱你!因为在我们相处这段期间,我一共跟另外二十三位女子约过会,跟其中十七位上过床。经过比较评估后,我发现还是你最好……。”

    家中有大人的说法:”你要相信此生我只爱你一人。可是,我爸爸不喜欢你,妈妈讨厌你,家里的狗想咬你……”

    命相八字的说法:”算命的说你嘴角那颗痣主衰。我去合过八字了,大师说你在家克父母,出外克朋友,婚后克性功能……。”

    沉沦的说法?QUOT;我要告诉你一个秘密。我已经染上毒瘾,又欠了地下钱庄一大笔债。现在晚上我只能含着眼泪能到鸭店打工。对了,还有我老大要我去干掉一个仇家,可是我心肠好,下不了手,只是捅了他两刀而已……。”

    让时间解决一切的说法:”我真的很爱你,此生除了你,我再也不会想娶其它的女人。这样好了,如果你答应嫁给我,那我们就选在二十年后的情人节结婚好吗?”

    前世今生的说法:”我前世欠了这个狐狸精的孽债,所以,今生我只能为她在床上做牛做马来还债。我这辈子欠你的,来生就让我被你性侵害来还吧!”

    0
     
  • danilo26u0554 pm5:04 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: , 鸭   

    色大胆小见网友 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    色大胆小上网之后,在经过一番苦口婆心,舌枪唇战,费尽九牛二虎之力,江郎才尽之时,终于骗到一MM见面。

    ??色大胆小{隆重登场}(唱):春风急,雪……花啊……啊飞。

    ??地球人:CUT!春天里哪来的雪花飞啊,你丫想MM脑子想秀逗了!

    ??色大胆小:秀你老木啊,我刚把情绪酝酿好你就出来捣乱,没听说过三月桃花雪啊,缺乏常识!让你跟来当个观众,一上来就卡卡的,这戏还演不演了?

    ??地球人(唱):都是俺的错,请你放过我,让我在这春天雪地里面活一活;都是俺的错,你再接着错,只要你能泡到MM我就跟你过……

    ??色大胆小:拜托大哥,我们都是男人呀,给点专业精神好不好!

    ??地球人:O你的K,GO你的ON。

    ??色大胆小(怒):可可可的,黑可可(一网络美女作家–编者注)可就是个美眉。我看你是有些咳,不如服用我们哈尔滨六厂出品的护彤,它含有牛黄,吃了就见效。

    ??地球人:靠!你当我SB啊,护彤是治感冒的,咳嗽请服用贵州益佰生产的克咳胶囊!

    ??色大胆小(唱):我们是网络时代接班人,继承美利坚的先进文明,爱上网,爱MM,不当名人,脑轻松脑轻松。不怕困难,不怕牺牲,来见网友,订那终身,向着目的地勇敢前进,向着更高目标勇敢前进,打破网络无美女结论,我们是网络时代接班人!

    ??地球人:服了U,快点走吧。

    ??色大胆小:好像到了耶!

    ??地球人:那人呢?

    ??色大胆小:男人等女人天经地义,女人等男人天打雷劈。我们早来了一个小时!

    ??地球人:我见过无数贱人,可象你这么贱的还头一次见,你就是奇贱下天山!

    ??色大胆小:这次我一定聆听GG教诲,无论美眉或是恐龙,我认了。(唱)

    ??ONLYYOU!是我心中所爱

    ??ONLYYOU!才是我的至爱

    ??ONLYYOU!伴随我走一生

    ??ONLYYOU!……

    ??地球人:好吧,时间也快到了,看你的MM来了没有?

    ??色大胆小:黑皮衣,牛仔裤,白皮鞋,左手一只鸡,右手一只鸭,就是你了!地球快看啊!

    ??地球人:酸秀才?

    ??………………

    2丶

    一人记性不好,常常会拿忘东西。这天从网络室出来的时候朋友提醒他是否又拿忘了什么。他挠挠头后说:“拿忘了Email。”

    3丶

    随着电脑网络的日益普及,一个新兴的群体—“网虫”应运而生。然而,由于目
    前尚缺乏严格、统一而规范的评判标准,许多本身不具备“网虫”条件的人也滥竽充
    数,纷纷扯起了“网虫”的旗号,致使“网虫”界出现了良莠不齐甚至鱼目混珠的现
    象。为此,特制定如下评判标准(草案),供大家广泛讨论、酝酿,为最终出台“网
    虫”资格的评判标准打下基础。
    1、停电两小时还没有恢复,此时你浑身颤栗,迫不及待地拿起电话,拨通了ISP
    (INTERNETSERVICEPROVIDER,因特网服务商)的号码,嘴里不间歇地发出“瞿,
    瞿……”模仿拨号上网时Modem发出的声音,以试图连通网络。
    2、你上网查看电子邮件,屏幕提示“没有新邮件(Nonewmessage)”,于是,
    你再次上网检查新邮件。如果屏幕提示收到了新邮件,你也再次上网,以检查更新的
    邮件。
    3、你交往的朋友名字中都有一个长尾巴“a”字母—@。
    4、你每月真正打电话的次数没有你电话费帐单上数字的位数多。
    5、你们家的宠物小猫小狗有两个非常雅致的名字,它们分别叫Eudora和Mozilla

    6、你微笑时总是倾斜着脑袋:-)。
    7、你爱人说你只知道成天沉迷于网络,警告你缺乏沟通和交流的婚姻是不牢靠
    的。你大梦初醒,赶紧又买了一台电脑,再申请了一条电话线,于是你们夫妇从此可
    以在网上聊天(Chat),而且你爱人也可以通过E-mail叫你吃饭了。
    8、你必须要有至少一项对全体“网虫”有贡献的发明创造,如比如把家里的电脑
    椅改造成抽水马桶。
    9、你驾驶车子不慎快要撞上路边的树时,你反应奇快,赶紧寻找“后退(BACK)”
    按钮。
    10、工资总不够花,所以你打算兼职;时间总不够用,所以你想辞职。
    11、你无休止地在网上参加各种夺标竞赛,花上几天的时间击溃所有对手以赢得
    一件印有某电脑厂商徽标的廉价T恤。
    12、你发现市面上所有的通讯录都没办法用。
    13、每天早上起床的第一件事和晚上就寝前的最后一件事,就是上网和网友聊
    天。
    14、每当要关掉电脑时,要不就不甘不愿,要不就依依不舍。一旦把MODEM的插头
    拔掉,就好象是和爱人分别一样痛苦。
    15、每次检查电子邮件时,如果没有新的邮件,你会“自动”再检查一遍,没有
    的话又再查一遍,直到最后被逼自己寄个电子邮件给自己为止。
    16、你不知道自己最要好的几个朋友是男是女,也不知道他们的名字,因为他们
    在网络上只用NICKNAME。
    17、你身边的朋友,竟然都是通过网络认识的。
    18、你已经不再写信,现在只会写电子信。
    19、当朋友托你找件东西时,你毫不犹豫地对他说“去YAHOO找找”。
    20、搭出租车回家的时候,你告诉司机你的地址是:HTTP://WWW.XXX.COM。
    21、电脑不能操作时,你因为不能够在IRC里和朋友聊天而叫苦连天,但却没有想
    到可以打电话找他们。
    22、去SHOPPING的时候,你会问:“有没有免费的东西可以DOWNLOAD?”。

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  • maisiewilburn21 pm12:37 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: , 鸭   

    终于使我怀孕 

    1丶

    有一对夫妇,丈夫是一个著名的妇科医生。

    一天,他们俩人一同到超级市场去买东西,人很多。忽然一位中年妇女挤了过来,热烈地吻了他们俩人,然后拉住那位妻子的手,激动又大声地说:“我得让你知道,我是多么地敬仰您的丈夫啊!当别人都失败了的时候,他却成功地使我怀了孕!”

    2丶

    “求你们放过我吧,我一大把年纪了,肉也是酸的了,不好吃啊!”张老汉靠着墙角,已经上无进路下无退路了,两只厉鬼一步一步得逼过来。
      “肉是酸的?”男鬼一把抓过张老汉的手,狠狠得咬下一块肉,张老汉一声惨叫。
      那鬼嚼啊嚼啊,“扑”的把张老汉的肉吐出来,“妈得,真是酸的,这么难吃,死老头,算你命大,滚吧!”
      张老汉得获大赦,在地上磕了几十个响头,少了一块肉总比没了老命好吧,他正要离开。
      另一个女鬼尖叫一声:“站住!”
      男鬼有点奇怪了:“留着这老东西干嘛?肉又是酸的,不好吃!”
      女鬼趴在男鬼的耳边说:“我要吃酸的……”
      男鬼更奇怪了:“为什么啊?”
      女鬼用手指一戳男鬼的头,羞答答的说:“你这个坏蛋,人家,人家,人家怀孕了嘛!”

    3丶

    大年三十,财主想用加点菜的办法,以平长工因长年累月受虐

    待而产生的怒气。但又不想多花钱,他便去问长工们爱吃什么。一

    个长工说:“素菜淡饭是亲家,鱼肉荤腥是冤家。”财主听了大喜。

    开饭的时候,财主把鸡、鸭、鱼、肉摆了好几碗,素菜只烧了一

    大碗青菜,哪晓得,长工们大吃荤菜,不碰青菜。财主急了,忙问:

    “你们不是说鱼肉荤腥是冤家吗?”长工回答说:“是呀,不吃冤家,

    难道吃亲家不成!”

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  • marlonhersh pm12:26 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 鸭   

    最吃惊的 

    1丶

    新学期开始,每个男生都要上台作自我介绍。当一位很清秀的男生作自我介绍的时候,主持人问到:“请问你有没有被别人误以为是女生?”

    “当然,”那男生不以为然,“从小学时老师就一直把我当作女生,直到有一天我一气之下剃光了我所有的头发。”

    “那老师们一定很吃惊吧?”

    “嗯!不过最吃惊的不是老师,而是那位很殷勤地为我提了一年书包的男生。”

    2丶

    爸爸给女儿讲小时候经常挨饿的事,听完后,女儿两眼含泪,十分同情地问:“哦,爸爸,你是因为没饭吃才来我们家的吗?”

    3丶

    一位猎人走过清净的湖泊,他看到成群的鸭子在水中嬉戏,便

    对站在岸边的青年说:

    “我对鸭子开三枪,付你多少钱?”

    “3英镑。”青年爽快地回答。

    付过钱后,猎人便举起手中猎枪,“砰砰砰”三声,三只鸭子立

    即应声倒在水面上。

    “这下您可吃亏了!”猎人对青年说。

    “我没吃亏!”青年回答,“鸭子又不是我的。”

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  • danilo26u0554 am11:36 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: , , 鸭   

    贪吃的老公 

    1,丈夫一进家门,听到老婆在厨房里剁东西,马上问:“老婆,今天你做什么好吃的?”老婆说:“你有眼睛自己看呀。”丈夫说:“太好了,你做鸡。”

    2,老婆在包包子,丈夫说:“包肉包子要多点肉。”老婆没应他,他又说:“你得往包子里多放几块肉。”老婆不耐烦地说:“好,我听你的,有出息的男人包二奶,你没啥出息,我看你就想包头猪。”

    3,老婆出门去买菜,林谌交代要买鸭脖子吃。老婆说:“你呀,就会吃鸭脖,玩微博,从不知道拼搏。”林谌说:“每次你兵临城下时,我哪次没勃。”

    0
     
  • berryp4204677 am10:06 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: , 鸭   

    吃货眼中的古诗词 

    1、床前明月光,鸭血粉丝汤。

    2、人比黄花瘦,犹记红烧肉。

    3、朱门豆腐臭,胜似吃排骨。–臭豆腐

    4、清水出芙蓉,玉米也开花。–爆米花

    5、君问归期未有期,红烧茄子油焖鸡。

    6、秋高东篱采桑菊,犹记那盆水煮鱼。

    7、一支梨花压海棠,青椒干煸溜肥肠。

    8、曾经沧海难为水,鱼香肉丝配鸡腿。

    9、相见时难别亦难,清蒸螃蟹别放盐。

    10、在天愿做比翼鸟,今天就要吃水饺。

    11、问君能有几多愁,孜然铁板烧肥牛。

    12、天若有情天亦老,猪犬腰子用火烤。

    13、人生若只初相见,一碗小马牛肉面。

    14、且乐生前一杯酒,桂花元宵有没有。

    15、我劝天公重抖擞,煎饼果子配鸡柳。

    16、故人西辞黄鹤楼,千里迢迢买鸭头。

    17、问君能有几多愁,恰似有饼无馅难入口。

    18、竹签才露尖尖角,早有山楂立上头。–糖葫芦

    19、宝剑锋自磨砺出,麻辣自打烫中来。–麻辣烫

    20、众里寻他千百度,蓦然回首,肉被馍夹住。–肉夹馍

    21、不识地瓜真面目,只缘已被火炉烤。–烤红薯

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  • doreenleung6449 pm3:46 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , , 鸭   

    搞笑吃货,吃出境界,吃出笑声 

    1、当初只是亲戚客套的一句“多吃点”,吃货们为此坚持了几十年!

    2、吃货看武侠剧最虐心的镜头:一桌好菜还没吃,就被打翻了。。。

    3、对于吃货来说,这世间最伤怀的五个字,不是“我们分手吧”,也不是“周末要加班”,更不是“本月扣工资”,而是“忌辛辣生冷”。光是念几次,都能潸然落下泪来。

    4、英语作业大家都没写,外教忍不住训话:“我们国家年轻人就不像你们这样,整天好吃懒做的。”
    一吃货同学回了句:“那是因为你们国家东西不好吃。”

    5、和朋友去吃自助餐,我吃的太多,他们经理吓着了,过来问我说“兄弟吃饱了没有?”
    我回“饱是什么意思??”
    2B朋友来了一句:“就是问你牙嚼累了没有???”

    6、男:“你说!究竟我做什么你才肯原谅我?”
    吃货女:“做。。。剁椒鱼头,麻婆豆腐,粉蒸肉,夫妻肺片,糖醋鱼,东坡肘子,香煎鱼边,肉末海参,盐水鸭,葱爆羊肉,锅塌豆腐,红烧海螺,毛血旺,山城辣子鸡,淮扬狮子头。。。最后简单点,再做一个酱猪蹄就好。”

    搞笑吃货,他们的眼里只有吃

    0
     
  • enucristine pm2:59 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , 鸭   

    多元达成和谐 

    1丶

    丈夫和妻子为早点究竟吃什么争执了半天,还是没有结果。  丈夫:“我要吃鸡汤面条!”  妻子:“我要吃杂酱面条!”  丈夫:“那就各吃各的吧,——多元达成和谐!”  妻子:“随你的便,真是的,——男人一点也不知道女人的感受!”

    2丶

    这天,至聪木匠师徒正在忙着,有个财主急着要装犁,说了半天好话,还说杀鸡待他们,至聪木匠就让徒弟去装。谁知,财主捉鸡时,故意放它逃走,又说称肉吃,待卖肉的屠夫路过,财主又赶紧躲进里屋。一会儿出来说,改吃鸡蛋算了,正好卖豆腐的来了,财主想,豆腐比鸭蛋还合算,就买了两块豆腐给他吃。徒弟生了气,装犁时没尽心。过了几天,财主对至聪木匠说:你带的好徒弟!装的犁,不是深了,就是浅了。至聪木匠说:老爷!我徒弟装的是放鸡犁,犁上装的是鸭蛋尖,所以犁进去躲屠夫,犁出来鸭蛋换豆腐。

    0
     
  • waylonlaing772 pm2:26 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , 鸭   

    妹妹吃鸡腿不 

    1丶

    3岁双胞胎妹妹,小妹最爱鸡腿。  姐姐今天和她们玩躲猫猫,姐姐带大妹躲,  小妹跟着爸爸躲。等他们藏好后,大妹吼了句:“妹妹吃鸡腿不?”  闻言就只听窗帘后传来激动的声音:“我吃~~~吃~”  简直不费吹灰之力啊。。。

    2丶

    5岁的淇淇跟爸爸的朋友一起到饭馆吃饭。点完菜后,服务员问要多少碗饭。她爸爸说:“就要人头饭(指多少个人就来多少碗饭)吧!”  淇淇听后紧张地说:“我不吃人头饭,我吃鸡头饭,鸭头饭也可以!”

    3丶

    H7N9背景下,某天早晨同事吃鸡蛋,  被问到怎么这个时候还敢吃鸡蛋,  同事一脸天真:“吃鸡蛋怎么了?鸡是生病了,  可孩子是无辜的呀!”……多深刻多有哲理啊!

    0
     

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