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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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 钓鱼 | 贱萌萌_节操笑话|萌图,内涵图,内涵段子,搞笑图片,笑话

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Tagged: 钓鱼 RSS Toggle Comment Threads | 键盘快捷键

  • alisagooseberry am11:32 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 钓鱼   

    钓鱼发烧友 钓个鱼也是满拼的 

    钓鱼发烧友 钓个鱼也是满拼的

    0
     
  • issacrolph3680 pm6:01 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 钓鱼   

    垃圾箱 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    问:win98与win2000有什么区别?

    答:win98的垃圾箱是方的,而win2000是圆的。

    问:那又怎样?

    答:同样面积的情况下,圆的比方的能装更多的垃圾!

    2丶

    不久前,当代信息技术领域的三巨头-微软公司的比尔·盖茨、INTEL公司的葛罗夫和IBM的郭士纳一起来到中东,在雅尔塔举行秘密会议,共商21世纪信息世界的版图划分问题。

    不言而喻,谈判是艰难的,表面的友善掩不住实利的争夺。谈判还没有开始多久,盖茨身上突然发出BP机的呼叫声。盖茨赶忙抱歉说:“Sorry,我有紧急电话要回,刚才是我的紧急呼叫系统响了。”然后,盖茨抬起手腕,将手表贴近耳朵,并开始对着领带的末梢讲起话来。讲完之后,盖茨很得意地解释说:“这是我最新装置的紧急呼叫系统,耳机配在手表中,麦克风则在我的领带尖上。这样我就能随时地同我的手下保持联系了。挺‘酷’的,不是吗?”

    会议继续进行。不一会儿,葛罗夫博士身上也发出了BP机的叫声。葛罗夫同样解释说:“Sorry,我的紧急呼叫系统响了,一定有要紧的事谈。”博士碰碰他的耳垂,然后就对着空气说起话来。说完之后他赶忙解释说:“我也配置了一套紧急呼叫系统,不过我的耳机是植在我的耳垂中的,而麦克风就嵌在我的这颗假牙里面。你们看,够不够‘酷’?”会议继续进行。盖茨与葛罗夫时不时相视而笑,心想这回注定要把IBM大老板的风头压下去了。

    当天的会议谈判终于结束了,三巨头正准备寒喧几句,郭士纳身上却突然传出“哗、哗”的声响。“Sorry,我身上的紧急传真系统启动了。”说着,郭士纳从他的西装夹层中抽出一张纸来,嘴角露出一丝微笑,“我的部下在纽约监听了整个会议,你们看,传来的正是今天的会议纪要。”

    3丶

    某一次电脑展,某个厂商展示出一台电脑,号称是超级电脑。

    有个小姐对这台所谓的超级电脑很有兴趣,于是就问工作人员说这台电脑如何超级?

    工作人员于是告诉她:“小姐,如果你输入您的基本资料在这台电脑,他将告诉你所有你想要知道的事。”

    这位小姐兴趣高昂的输入了基本资料,然后劈头就问:“超级电脑,我爸爸在哪里?”

    超级电脑于是说:“在海边钓鱼。”

    小姐大笑:“你在开玩笑啊!我老爸已经死了20年了耶!”

    众人于是开始议论纷纷了,工作人员赶紧打圆场说:“小姐,你要不要换个方式问问看?”

    于是小姐想想后便问道:“超级电脑,我妈妈的丈夫在哪?”

    超级电脑回答说:“小姐,你妈妈的丈夫已经死了20年了,但是你爸爸在海边钓鱼……”

    0
     
  • alisagooseberry am9:17 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , , , , 钓鱼   

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全 

      幽默笑话上篇:

      1、昨天我点了个外卖,开门拿外卖的时候,刚好看到对门的夫妻吵架,我提着外卖刚要开门,忽然那男的冲我跑了过来,直接夺走了我手上的外卖,小声对我说:明天给你钱,然后转身跑回家对那女的说:“老婆,外卖到了,咱先吃,吃完再吵!”我……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      2、那年和母亲一起去岳母家,半路在一个商店买烟 ,买了一盒一块四角的香烟和一盒五分的火柴 ,给了店主十元。母亲只上过两个月的一年级,只会口算,还是念出声那种。只听母亲口里念到:十元减一元剩九元,一元减四角剩六角,一元减四角五分就剩五角五分,你找我九元五角五分,于是店主给了我们九元五角五分,回去后总感觉哪里不对……

      3、老婆让儿子去买五斤苹果回来榨苹果汁,结果回来一称,只有四斤半,她便带着儿子来到苹果摊前问摊主:“你怎么能够缺斤短两,五斤的苹果连四斤半还不到,是不是看他是个孩子好骗啊?”摊主满脸委屈的说道:“我没有缺斤短两呀,你称过你的孩子没有,是不是他增重了?”老婆瞬间不知道该说什么了……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      4、昨天和哥们儿聚会,一哥们喝醉了,酒醒后拿出手机发现有37个未接来电,全是他女朋友打的。只见他想了一下,然后果断关机拿出SIM卡扔掉,又去办了个新号给女朋友打过去,和他女朋友说:“我手机卡损坏了……所以换了个号码。”打完电话后看着我们淡淡的说了一句:“能用一百块钱解决的事情,干嘛要花更多的钱去哄她呢。”当时我们觉得他好聪明啊……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      5、一天,妈妈在外面玩,感觉冷,就让我去卧室给她拿外套。然后,妈妈发现外套里的五十元钱不见了!她说:“只有你拿了我的衣服,肯定就是你偷的。”我被打她打了一顿,但我就是不承认,妈妈也没法,就让我在地上跪着!跪了一个多小时,堂弟被他妈打到我家来了,手里拿着我妈那五十元钱。瞬间觉得自己好委屈啊…..

      幽默笑话下篇:

      1、早上,老妈让老爸去菜市买鱼,路上老爸遇上一个同村人正要去钓鱼,那人自称是钓鱼高手,他自信地对老爸说:“我每次都能钓到满满一桶鱼!你给我100块,今天我钓到的鱼都给你了”! 老爸还真信了,给了他一百,然后在那等了一天,最后那所谓的钓鱼高手只钓到了一条一斤多的鲤鱼!老爸只好无奈的拿着那条鱼回家了……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      2、儿子上二年级的时候,开学的第二周正好是教师节。老师发了一个小卡片,让写上最想对老师说的话,第二天交上去。放学后,儿子问:“妈妈,我写啥好啊?”我说:“写自己心里最想说的话就好。”第二天下午放学,我接到老师的电话,让我去学校一趟,因为儿子只写了四个字:“我要退学。”我直接无语了……

      3、最近在网上新学了个旋转判断鸡蛋生熟的方法,决定亲自教给儿子。于是,我拿了俩鸡蛋给儿子,让他判断哪个是生的哪个是熟的。 儿子接过鸡蛋,不假思索地回答:“右边这个。” 我惊讶地问:“你怎么知道的?”儿子:“这个摸着热。” 我竟无言以对了……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      4、大学新生入学军训,站军姿的时候,教官说:“眼睛要盯着前方树林的某一颗树,身体就不会晃动了。”说完他就在队伍面前走来走去,一边帮人纠正姿势,突然队伍中一女生头动了一下,教官生气地吼道:“动什么动,刚说的都忘了吗?”只见那女同学回答道:“教官,你挡着我看的那颗树了。”教官……

      

    2019年最新收集幽默笑话大全

      5、天气变冷,我织了一条围巾送给了男朋友。男友收到以后,夸奖我说:“恩,手艺真不错,我很喜欢这个渔网!”瞬间感觉自己好无奈啊……

    0
     
  • Administrator am10:19 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: , 钓鱼   

    说吧,要多少钱?你才能离我儿子远点? 

      1

      昨晚老婆突然说手机没电了,要用我的看电影!我放下所有的事情专心致志地陪着她看到凌晨六点?看着媳妇终于睡着我长舒一口气,暗暗发誓:下次一定及时清理聊天记录,这突然袭.击 太特么吓人了……

      2

      去富二代哥们家玩,我想了一下,我绝不能错过这个得来不易的机会,于是我把自己打扮得很邋遢,言行举止娘了又娘,吃完晚饭,那哥们儿去上厕所的功夫,他妈妈咪着眼睛严肃地问我:"说吧,要多少钱?你才能离我儿子远点?"

      3

      昨天去山区里的外婆家了,这里虽然经济条件可能差点,但其他方面绝不贫穷!桃树、杏树、梨树,都像赶集似的开满了花。红的像火,白的似雪,粉的如霞。钓鱼,采花,野炊……一切都是那么的美好!只不过,茅房里供人踩踏的两块木板为什么那么脆弱?

    0
     
  • cherilemos15234 am9:25 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 钓鱼   

    把日本那块涂抹掉吧 

    1丶

    七年级学生上第一节地理课,老师进来对大家说:“大家看到讲台上的地球仪,如果你只懂得一个球,其它什么也不知道,那你就得学习地理,这地球仪上有很多个国家。”  马上有学生问:“老师,日本在哪里?”  老师指着说:“这就是我们的邻邦日本。”  那个学生说:“把日本那块涂抹掉吧,我恨他要抢我们的钓鱼岛。”

    2丶

    妻:婚前你不是说我是你的全世界吗?为甚么你现在又去找别的女人?  夫:嗯。那是因为我的地理常识变丰富了。  妻:……

    3丶

    齐景公对晏子说:东海之中有一片红水,水中有棵只开花不结果的枣树,这是什么缘故?  晏子回答说:从前秦穆公乘龙舟巡视天下的地理分野,曾用一块黄布包了一些蒸熟了的枣儿,到了东海便把布包扔下了。由于那是块黄布,所以把水染红了;枣儿是蒸熟的,所以长出的枣树只开花不结果。  齐景公听宴子答得有板有眼,就笑着说:我不过是开个玩笑胡乱问问罢了。晏子也笑着说:我听说过有这么一句话:假问假答。刚才我也是胡乱答呀。

    0
     
  • amelia90w8619638 am8:34 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 钓鱼   

    国庆作业 

    1丶

    语文作业高端大气上档次!数学作业外猛内柔女汉子!  英语作业简约时尚国际范!物理作业奔放洋气有深度!  化学作业忧郁深沉无所谓!生物作业狂拽酷炫屌炸天!  地理作业冷艳高贵接地气!历史作业可爱乡村非主流!  政治作业时尚靓丽小清新!通用作业卖萌作业剪刀手!  所有作业你妹的贵族王朝杀马特!

    2丶

    在改七年级地理试卷,其中一题目为:七月是什么季节?  学生答案:淡季。老师大笑,说:这孩子家一定是做生意的。

    3丶

    在今天的记者招待会上,温总理回答完一位日本记者的提问后对他说:“麻烦你跟你的同胞说一声,钓鱼岛是中国的”。  日本记者说:“至少在地理上,钓鱼岛离日本更近”。  总理淡淡地说“在地理上,日本四岛离中国也很近”。  日本记者冷汗满面,全场肃静了一会继而掌声雷动。

    0
     
  • Administrator pm5:27 on 2019年2月13日
    标签: 钓鱼   

    停电后 

    1丶

    鄙人山东理科男,在吉林读大学的时候,有一天早上寝室没电了。河南理科男从床上爬起来和我说:“肯定是哪块地方电阻出了问题,河北文科男肯定不懂,因为他是学文科的。”  这时候,河北文科男在被窝里说话了:“你以为我没学过地理啊!”当时我们就笑翻了。

    2丶

    当我刚刚毕业走上讲台的时候,有的时候上课会心慌。  一次上地理课,讲到“北方河流冬季普遍有结冰现象”,心里一慌,嘴里竟然成了“冬季北方河流普遍有结婚现象”。更可怜的是,下面还坐着校长和十几个听课的老师。以至于好长一段时间,同事都说我是第一个敢这样大胆的说出自己“心声”的人。唉。。。

    3丶

    地理考试,有道题是要求在地图上标出钓鱼岛位置并写出所属海域,  有个学生在试卷上写“我不知道钓鱼岛在哪,我只知道它是中国的”。  老师十分感动,然后给了他0分。

    0
     
  • noemimts8116204 pm1:33 on 2019年2月13日
    标签: , 钓鱼   

    一个探险家的真实故事 

    1丶

    一个探险家到非洲冒险,在半路上突然遇到狮子,探险家故作镇定,

    用严厉的眼神狠狠地瞪狮子,想不到狮子好像感到畏惧,不敢再往前进,

    于是他又用更严厉的眼光瞪着狮子,这时候狮子突然跪下来,双手合并,

    探险家觉得很奇怪,但又不晓得要怎么办,也跟着双手合起来跪在地上,

    过了一会儿,狮子抬起头来对探险家说:我是不晓得你在作什么啦,不过我可以告

    诉你……我是在作餐前祷告!

    2丶

    某天傍晚,Cindy下了班回到家,如同往常一样下厨准备晚餐。但是她却发现厨房的水槽排水管好像堵住了,于是她打电话给水电工William,希望他能来帮忙修理。William一口就答应了,他说他会在明天下午过去Cindy家看看。由于是在Cindy的上班时间内,因此Cindy告诉他:“我会把钥匙放在门口的踏脚垫下,你自己进来。我有养一只秋田犬,它很乖,你不用担心。另外,我还养了一只鹦鹉,它是个麻烦的家伙。你进来的时候,不管它跟你说些什。记得!绝对不要和鹦鹉说话。”William听了虽然满腹疑惑,但还是说好。?
    ????第二天下午,William按时到了Cindy的家中,进了门开始修理厨房的水槽。狗儿很乖,没有叫也没有凶他。鹦鹉则不断聒噪地对他话、大叫。刚开始William记得Cindy的嘱咐而没有理它,但鹦鹉还是不断的大叫。过一会儿William终于忍受不住了,他对着鹦鹉大吼:“Shutup!你这只大笨鸟!”鹦鹉愣了一下,William还以为自己的大吼有了一些效果。接着,只听见鹦鹉模仿Cindy的声音说:“Doggy!去咬他!”然后就只听到厨房传来一阵的惨叫声。

    3丶

    一天一位美少妇和老公去公园玩。 少妇的老公在湖边钓鱼,少妇在树下看书。 钓了一个多小时她老公屎急上厕所去了。

    这时来了一个管理员,管理员指着湖边有钓鱼杆,对少妇说:“这里不许钓鱼,不知道吗?我要没收你所有的钓鱼工具。”

    “我没有钓鱼呀,你没见我在看书吗?”

    “可是你有钓鱼有整套工具呀。”

    “那我要告你强奸我。”

    “光天化日之下,谁强奸你了?”

    “可是你有强奸女人的整套工具呀。”

    0
     
  • lavinatom043 pm3:24 on 2019年2月12日
    标签: , 钓鱼   

    反应也太迟钝了吧 

    1丶

    有个同学在家骑摩托车出车祸,摔断了腿。

    住了半个月院才发现……自己还有根手指断了。

    2丶

    有三个人在湖边钓鱼,湖里突然出来一个怪物,说:“我是这里的湖怪,每一个到这里的人,我都可以帮他一个忙,你们有什么需要帮忙的吗?”第一个人说:“我的后背有伤,一直很痛,你能帮我解除痛苦吗?”怪物摸了下他的后背,他就不痛了。第二个人说:“我的视力很差,戴眼镜也几乎不起做用,你能帮我吗?”怪物帮他摘下眼镜,他立刻眼前一亮。。。怪物问第三个人:“你有需要什么帮助的吗?”第三个人一脸不高兴的答到:“不需要,我还得领伤残抚恤金1

    3丶

    有一同事找不到空调遥控器了,我说在百度上搜搜。

    百度头一的答案是:看看空调上面有没有,一摸真tmd有。

    0
     
  • johnetterector am9:15 on 2019年2月8日
    标签: , 钓鱼   

    考验智商的爆逗冷段 

    1、一心一亿,三心二亿,果然还是批发起来比较便宜。

    2、姜太公正在钓鱼,有路人看到好奇的问:“你为什么用直钩钓鱼啊?”
    姜太公白了他一眼说:“你丫没学过物理吧,你看一放水里不就变弯了嘛!”

    3、老板通知我去公司加班,我说:“不是放假吗?”
    老板:“对啊,不然怎么叫加班呢?”

    4、接到电话:“大哥,刚才我跟人打起来了,你叫20个兄弟过来。”
    “好,带什么家伙?”
    “买点水果篮吧,道歉要有诚意。”

    5、“你怎么不管管孩子!”妈妈哭着质问爸爸:“他就剩一张牌了。”

    6、 其。。。。实我不。。。是结巴,我。。。只。。。是脑子转。。。的太快,嘴跟。。。跟不上。

    7、她在和他的决斗中,面纱被挑落。
    她捂着自己的脸说:“我们门派的规矩,第一次见到我长相的男人,要么我杀了他,要么我嫁给他。你武功比我高,我杀不了你,所以我决定。。。”她接着说,“废了这条规矩。”

    0
     

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