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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
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 裤子 | 贱萌萌_节操笑话|萌图,内涵图,内涵段子,搞笑图片,笑话

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  • maryjo60e5 am10:07 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 裤子   

    幽默笑话精选:今天早上吃饭时,一同学裤子上的袋子破了 

      幽默笑话:寝室一MM身高158,却交了一个身高192的男友,一日,下雨,从图书馆后来后闷闷不乐,大家问怎么回事,MM郁闷的说:“出了图书馆,外面下雨有积水,前面一对儿,男的把女的抱过了水洼,可他看了看我,想了一下,用胳肢窝把我夹过去了!”

      幽默笑话:朋友追MM屡战屡败,却仍然屡败屡战。一日,偶打趣他:“你什么时候能让她点头啊?每次她都摇头,哎,我都看不下去了。”他一脸认真的说:“也有例外的!每次我问她周末是不是很忙时,她总是点头!”

      

    幽默笑话精选:今天早上吃饭时,一同学裤子上的袋子破了

      幽默笑话:今天早上吃饭时,一同学裤子上的袋子破了,掉下来20元钱。我在后面看到,立即一脚踩上,假装系鞋带。谁知道那同学回头说:“你能系快点吗?”我说:“怎么了?”丟钱同学说:“你踩到我的钱了!”

    幽默笑话精选:今天早上吃饭时,一同学裤子上的袋子破了

      幽默笑话:前几天,我和一个闺蜜去朋友家去吃饭,当时桌子上有差不多十个硬菜。我在尝了几个菜后,感觉味道真的非常好,于是我就不禁地夸了起来,说:大姐,您这厨艺真是专业水平了!太好吃了,舌头都吃跳舞了!太可惜了,你要是一个男的,我绝对嫁给你!唯一缺点就是怪味花生,这个味道确实有点怪,根本吃不下去啊!大姐,看了她老公一眼后,她老公就说:怪味花生,这一个是我做的!场面,一度尴尬……

      

    幽默笑话精选:今天早上吃饭时,一同学裤子上的袋子破了

      幽默笑话:我去大超市准备给儿子买一袋儿童洗衣液。超市里的导购小妹就一直在旁边喋喋不休地给我推荐儿童洗衣液 。说这款,很划算;这款是大品牌,小孩子玩耍,也不伤手,不会有伤害的。我:这一款多少钱,我指了指她手上拿着的那个新款式。导购:一百块!我:妈呀,这么点,居然要100块!这太贵了,太贵了。我就转到货架的那边去,隐约就听到导购小妹说:买不起,就算叫妈也没用。卧槽,我都想出去,好好地揍她一顿。

      幽默笑话:昨天,我回老家了,我就对爸说:老爸,我准备要结婚了。结果没想到,我爸却说:别!千万别! 你赶紧给我滚回去!我:爸,别人家的父亲都是希望儿子早一点结婚,早一点抱孙子。到了你这里,怎么还说风凉话。老爸:你个小兔崽子,你给我滚犊子!家里一个啃老的,我就受不了。你要是在给我弄一个啃老的,我还有活路吗?结婚?门都没有! 我:……

    0
     
  • rudyqav0587 pm4:48 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: , 裤子   

    第一次看你穿裤子-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    有个现役军人,在一场实弹演习中,被一颗流弹误伤了大腿内侧,天哪!子弹若再偏差0.5cm,准叫他这辈子当太监,因此,他入院治疗了一段时间。住院期间,他爱上一位护士,两人决定在出院的第二天马上就结婚。

    婚礼那天,两人身穿结婚礼服在圣坛前见了面,新郎和新娘互相注视着对方,在瞧了半天后,新郎幸福的叹了一口气说:“我这还是第一次看你穿长裙。”

    新娘也幸福的叹了一口气回答道:“我这也是第一次看你穿裤子。”

    2丶

    有两个男人在谈论女人的问题。

    甲说:“你愿意和一个长得难看,身材也极差但却是纯洁的处女还是和一个拥有天使的面容,魔鬼身材但却和N多个男人上过床的女人上床呢?”

    乙反问道:“你是愿意一个人吃屎呢?还是愿意和几个人吃甜美的蛋糕呢?”

    3丶

    有两个女人在一起谈话,其中一个女人对另一个女人说:“如果你的男友和另一个女人好了,你会怎么办。”那个女孩子人回答说:“我会睁一只眼闭一只眼。”什么,另一个女人不解的问,你怎么能这样。那个女人不慌不忙的说:“我睁一只眼闭一只眼瞄准他开枪。”

    0
     
  • candraspeegle94 pm4:29 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: , 裤子   

    防止再来-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    有位漂亮的女推销员业绩惊人,同行们都向她讨教推销方法。她说:“我每次上门,都同那个家庭的男主人讲明商品用途,然后说这次不必急着买,以后我会再来。这时候男主人总是很高兴,而女主人则马上掏钱买下。”

    2丶

    有位小姐第一次和朋友去练习打高尔夫球。发球时,她很用力的一挥,球被打歪了,竟然向着一群人飞过去,接着就看到一个男人应声倒地,把两手夹在大腿的中间,痛得滚下了山坡。

    那位小姐马上跑过去道歉,并且告诉伤患说她学过一些护理,希望能在救护车到达之前,先帮他检查一下受伤的情形。伤患觉得没有必要,不过那位小姐很坚持,其他人也都劝那个伤患先让她检查一下,伤患只好勉强答应。

    小姐就要伤患先平躺,全身放松,然后把他的两手拉开,平放在身体两侧,接着又轻轻的拉开伤患裤子的拉链,把手伸进去,很温柔的轻轻触摸着。

    她询问伤患:“这里感觉怎么样?”

    伤患很无奈的说:“那里的感觉还不错,可是我的姆指还是一样痛得要死!! ”

    3丶

    有一对夫妇,丈夫是大男子主义,他们有四个孩子,每次他叫老婆的时候就大声的叫道;“四个孩子的妈! ”。有一次在一个朋友的生日PARTY上,这个父亲看不见他的老婆便大声叫道:“四个孩子的妈,你在哪呢。?”他老婆也豪不客气的大声叫道“我在这儿呢!三个孩子的爹! ”

    0
     
  • jeromesaiz3049 am10:15 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 裤子   

    IT厕所的遭遇 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    一日,去逛武汉电脑城,突然觉得一阵腹痛。不好,要如厕。

    急匆匆来到WC前,抬头只见门口上方挂一电子牌:上写

      “最新WIN2000SERVERWC“

      不禁赞叹:果然是IT,高科技!

      好急,快进去,怎么门推不开?抬头一看,电子板上显示:

      “用户名不存在或密码错误,请找管理员”

      给看门老头交了两毛钱,拿了个密码,急忙入内,冲向马桶

      可是马桶盖怎么也打不开,我实在忍不住了,用力一拉,墙上弹出一块牌子:

      “!系统提示:您没有这个马桶的访问权限”

      我靠!好在我知道一个超级用户密码,这时起了作用,在控制面板中输入后,

      马桶盖终于打开了…..长输了一口气,好舒服哦。

      完事,伸手去拿手纸,手纸却又没法从盒子里抽出来,不会吧,难道?

      一转头,果然,又弹出了一个牌子

      “此纸盒已加密!”

      我晕,正在急不可耐时,旁边蹲位有人伸过来一只手:

      “你第一次用WIN2000WC吧,没关系,我们手纸共享好了”

      谢谢,谢谢,边道谢,边提好裤子,

      一冲马桶,又弹一牌子:

      “病毒已清除!”

      刚走两步,只听“砰”的一声,马桶盖大力的关上了,牌子上道:

      “连接超时,请刷新!”

      好险!!!

    2丶

    某君,经常在BBS上游荡。

    一日,此君刚进站就把自己的昵称改得颇为girl化。

    过了一会儿,屏幕上方弹出了某位网友的问候语,并附加一问题:Areyouagirl?

    此君回答:No,Iamnot。

    但是网友还是不断发讯息来打断他的进程,而且多是问一些年龄爱好类的问题。

    此君终于忍无可忍,问网友道:我已经说过,我不是女的,为什么还要这样?

    网友答曰:女孩都是这样回答的。……

    3丶

    A友花1XX元人民币买了一个微软产品,因害怕假冒伪劣,故请懂行的B友鉴定。B友拿来包装放手里一掂量,又打开一看,曰:“真货,绝对真货!”

    A友不解,忙问:“您怎么这么快就说是真货呢?”B友故作神秘地说:“不凡Microsoft的产品都有一个重要标志,一般人是做不出来的。”

    “什么标志?”

    “就是那本印刷精美,既厚又重,长篇大论,谁也看不懂的《用户手册》呀!”B友答道。

    A友拿出《用户手册》一瞧,放心了。

    0
     
  • rodgerj924729889 pm5:32 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 裤子   

    我成亲了…..终于成亲了… 

    愚蠢的人类,快求我救命吧!
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    手工打造节能灯,过新年。。。
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    妹子一早起来就秀恩爱
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    裤子都脱完了!结果是这个!
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    看到这个,有菊花一紧的感觉呢?
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    这车肯定有一段悲伤的故事
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    一张图告诉你减肥的重要性!
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    一个固执的垂钓者
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    宿舍改造哪家强
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    菇凉继续呀,我等着看呢
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...
    这才是名副其实的低腰裤
    我成亲了.....终于成亲了...

    0
     
  • MusicianXL pm5:24 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 裤子,   

    汽车的故事 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    据说有一位软件工程师,一位硬件工程师和一位项目经理同坐车参加研讨会。不幸在从盘山公路下山时坏在半路上了。于是两位工程师和一位经理就如何修车的问题展开了讨论。

    硬件工程师说:“我可以用随身携带的瑞士军刀把车坏的部分拆下来,找出原因,排除故障。”

    项目经理说:“根据经营管理学,应该召开会议,根据问题现状写出需求报告,制定计划,编写日程安排,逐步逼近,alpha测试,beta1测试和beta2测试解决问题。”

    软件工程师说:“咱们还是应该把车推回山顶再开下来,看看问题是否重复发生。”

    2丶

    新型的:跟以前的型号颜色不同。

    全新的:零件跟以前的型号无法互换。

    先进设计:广告代理都不明白到底是怎么回事。

    终于出现:匆忙的结果,悄悄地进村,打枪的不要。

    经过区域测试:制造商缺乏测试设备。

    多年开发:它终于能干活了。

    革命性的:跟竞争对手完全不同。

    突破性的:我们终于找到一种销售方法。

    出类拔萃的:完全不同的形状和颜色。

    无须维护:没法修理。

    重新设计:修正了以前版本,希望这次不会出事。

    性能保证:保修期内可以正常工作。

    符合所有标准:标准是我们的,不是你们的。

    高度可靠:发货之前还可以正常工作。

    最新太空科技:我们的一项技术最近被波音公司采用了。

    3丶

    从一个人的键盘磨损度可以看出很多东西。比如:

    1、W严重磨损:

    原因:FIFA的加速键是W。

    分析:此人是个FIFA高手。这种人在看球时左手中指会不自觉地狂点;踢球时会抱怨说:又按错键了;跑步时会默念:w、w、w。。。

    2、ALTS或CTRLENTER磨损:

    原因:这两个组合都是OICQ的发送讯息。

    分析:此人是QQ狂,具备以一当十的能力。这种人会把别人的电话号码当作OICQ去查询;写文章时会大量使用GG、MM、hehe、haha、o、886、520、7456等字眼;在动物园看见企鹅会说:拜托你丫换个头像好不好?

    3、W、A、S、D、U、I、J、K都有明显磨损:

    原因:这八个键是拳皇迷常用的控制键。

    分析:此人是个拳皇迷,但不一定是高手,因为拳皇高手太多了。这种人有事没事都会两只手在腿上或桌上不停敲打,旁观者会认为他是专业弹钢琴的,并且肃然起敬。

    4、CTRLC和CTRLV明显磨损:

    原因:大家都干过这事,就不用说了。

    分析:此人是网站编辑或转贴狂人。这种人手都很巧,剪刀和胶水的使用技巧出神入化。

    5、ASHIFTCTRL1234。。。不同程度磨损:

    原因:打过星际的朋友都知道这是最常用的键。

    分析:此人常打星际。这种人在生活中的计数方法是十二进制;数东西时会说:一队、两队。。。

    注:星际中,十二个物体为一队。

    6、F5键磨损到变成白板:

    原因:F5是刷新键。

    分析:此人是斑竹或板斧,要时刻看新贴发裤子,比如淑芬、猫少和我。这种人看报纸时会用马桶刷子不停地刷报纸,期望看到更新的内容;而且喜欢到处贴广告,曾经有人看了我们在电线杆上贴的广告,跑来找我们治性病。

    7、CTRLALTDEL严重磨损:

    原因:重启。

    分析:此人是,我也不知他是干吗的,但他该换台电脑了。

    8、小键盘磨损:

    原因&分析:基本上属于高危险工种,如:银行出纳。。。

    9、键盘左中和右中部分各有一块圆形严重磨损,分别以D和回车为圆心:

    原因&分析:气管炎,长期跪键盘。

    注:根据身材不同,圆心和半径稍有变化属正常现象。

    10、键盘无任何磨损:

    原因&分析:必为新键盘。

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  • thomasmccollom am11:26 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , 裤子   

    打发时间说幽默语录 

    1.回家了,妈问我,有抽烟没?我说,没有。有喝酒没?我说,没有。有对象没?
    我说,没有…妈说,这个,可以有,我说,这个… 真没有
    2.公司加班,加到凌晨4点,就在办公室的沙发上睡下了,早上起来想给女友发信息说下,
    昨天公司加班到凌晨4点,只睡了三个小时,累死了,结果短信中写了昨天公司加班到
    凌晨4点,只睡了三个小姐,累死了,短信发送中,泪奔!
    3.今天中午吃饭的时候,我把关于Windows和Linux讨论的事情和同事说了,
    然后大家也开始了讨论。到最后一个MM的话让我们结束了讨论。
    她说:Windows和Linux都不好用,我还是觉得番茄花园的系统最好用。
    4、当你目睹一个四十多岁的国产凯鲁亚克有滋有味地活在这世上,而且驾驶着满是
    理想主义光辉的自行车,那么你会觉得生活并不严酷,世界宽广深邃,而理想不灭。
    5、回忆青春很容易变成掐青春痘,痛并爽着,而且期待着玉树临风并继续玉树临风下去。
    6、你要是总给你的观众喂垃圾吃,总有一天,他们会伸手跟你要垃圾。 -(崔健谈
    论电视娱乐时说的一句话)
    7、每种语言都有三种说话的方式:学者的方式、贵族的方式和平民的方式
    8、良心需要理智,正义需要知识,无知而激情的人就像一把利刃,它可以切开“恶”的
    黑暗,也可以让“善”流血至死。
    9、在中国,媒体干久了,基本上就是两种结果,要不变成李莲英,要不变成东方不败。
    两者比起来,好像当东方不败更有型。可是东方不败内心的痛苦,肯定是大过李莲英。好歹李莲英也靠阿谀奉承,节节高升,享尽荣华富贵,
    那东方不败呢,只有躲起来绣绣花,提心吊胆,说不定哪一天仇家就杀上门了。
    10、我们不用批判电视机,因为绝大多数人都不知道打发时间,不看电视的人已经有办法让
    自己生活更加充实,那就不必批判电视,很多人需要电视。-(陈丹青说电视)
    11、姐姐索要降落伞,果子提出报酬的时候,她毫不犹豫地脱下了自己的裤子。或者为
    了摆脱洗瓶子的命运,她嫁给了一个比自己大许多的领导的司机。从此以后,她的身
    体乃至灵魂,全部成为了商品。- (唐门小三评《孔雀》)

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  • josephineharlow pm1:33 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 裤子   

    老话歇后语整理:阿王炒年糕 —— 吃力勿讨好 

      热豆腐烫煞养媳妇 —— 不可莽撞

      瘌痢头尼子 —— 自家好

      阿王炒年糕 —— 吃力勿讨好

      额角头碰着天花板 —— 运道太好

      阴沟里翻船 —— 老锯失劈

      朝天鼻头插筷子 —— 像啥有介事

      吃素碰着月大 —— 偏偏不巧

      黄牛出骨变麒麟 —— 远想天开

      麻皮沓粉 —— 白费劲

      螺蛳壳里做道场 —— 小地方办大事体

      剃头挑子 —一一头热

      老虫勿留隔夜食 —— 拉现钞

      肉骨头敲鼓 —— 老是浑咚咚

      脱裤子放屁 —— 多此一举

      山东人吃麦冬 —— 一懂也勿懂

      急煞鬼碰着慢郎中 —— 碰着死对头

      泥菩萨过河 —— 自身难保

      瘌痢头上插金花 —— 死要好看

      床头底下放鹞子 —— 大高不妙

      混汤摸螺蛳 —— 浑水摸鱼

      湿手搭面粉 —— 想甩甩勿掉

      顶子石臼唱戏 —— 吃力不讨好

      扫帚柄上出冬笋 —— 远想天开

      象牙筷上扳掐丝 —— 硬捉板头

      雀见砻糠 —— 空欢喜

      瞎话三官经 —— 乱花三千

      嘴硬骨头酥 —— 外强中干

      瘌痢头撑洋伞 —— 无法无天

      活狲屁股 —— 坐不停

      捏鼻头做梦 —— 胡思乱想

      马屁拍在马脚上 —— 白辛苦

      万宝全书缺只角 —— 并非全能

      谐音笑话3则,笑掉大牙了

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  • enucristine am10:07 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 裤子   

    下身穿得太少,快去加条裤子 

      1、朋友问三年级的儿子:“在班里排第几啊?”

      “第三。”儿子回答。

      “成绩不错嘛!”朋友赞叹地说。

      儿子接着牛气哄哄的说:“就俩打不过!”

      2下雪了,我穿着羽绒服、打底裤、雪地靴出门,老妈见了,责怪我:“下身穿得太少,快去加条裤子。”

      我说:“我上身穿得多,不会冷。”

      老妈一听生气了:“下身跟上身比不禁冻,下身多穿点儿才对。冷的时候大家都是跺脚,你见过捶胸的吗?”

      3上午读报纸,看到有老明星演青春少女,我们心里窃笑:都一大把年纪了,居然还出来装嫩;

      下午出门碰上化妆品推销员,过后我们顾影自怜,心想:是该整点儿化妆品了,也该给这张老脸上点“化肥”。

      4公交车上,上来一对双胞胎,穿了同样衣服,我四岁儿子看到,幽幽的问道:“你们这是要连连看还是找不同啊。。。”

      全车都笑了,他爸脸黑了……

      图片来源于网络,如有侵犯到您的权益请告知删除!

    0
     
  • byronfalkiner am10:06 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: , 裤子   

    爆笑男女 叫人火大的爆笑二货 

    1、去参加婚礼,安排座位的是我哥们儿,他说我未婚,要给我安排一桌单身的。
    我那个激动啊,心想着指不定还能有个单身女神什么的。。。
    后来,把我安排一桌都是小朋友的位置上,还TM让我照顾Ta们都吃好!!!

    2、和几个朋友喝酒喝多了,走到没有路灯的小路,尿急,就直接开尿了。。。
    往左一看,有几个妹子正在走过来,心想,这么黑,她们也看不见。
    谁TM会想到,那八个混蛋拿出手机,开着手电筒,帮我照着,说怕我尿到裤子上。。。

    3、点了个外卖。外卖小哥送来后,我叹息:真羡慕你们这个职业。
    小哥不解:风吹雨打的,有啥好羡慕的。
    我解释道:起码女神会收你送去的东西,却死活不肯收我的东西。
    小哥。。。

    4、早晨,浴池刚刚开门,首先来了一个女顾客,她却走进了男浴池。
    等她脱光了,男管理员进来告诉她这里是男浴池。
    女顾客十分生气:“为什么等我脱光了,你才告诉我这是男浴池?”
    男管理员:“我得彻底确认一下啊!”

    5、出国过安检,工作人员仔细检查了我护照照片和我的本人,说照片和本人怎么不一样?
    我:啊!那个五年前照的了,可能和本人不一样。
    同事来了句:“麻烦你们放她走吧,她每天长得都不一样。。。”
    我。。。

    0
     

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