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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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c4ca4238a0b923820dcc509a6f75849b phpinfo()
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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
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Tagged: 表白 RSS Toggle Comment Threads | 键盘快捷键

  • alisagooseberry pm2:38 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: , 表白   

    男生如何提出分手-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    一天,一对情侣在公园散步。

    男方已经厌恶女方了,但又不知如何开口。

    终于鼓起勇气对女方说:阿美!没有你,我真的不知道怎么活下去。

    阿美:真的吗?

    男方:但是,明天我要去试试看。

    2丶

    一天,一个男人正在大街上悠闲地漫步,突然一位女人突然扭住他大骂起来:“你这个无赖,经过了那天晚上之后,你看见我还像没事似的! ”

    男人莫名其妙:“我,我没做什么?我不认识你。”

    女人火气更大了:“什么?装得倒很像。我问你,那天是谁吻我来着,还搂着我。。。”

    男人惊慌失措:“哦,姑娘,求求你,千万别再说了! ”

    女人怒不可遏:“还想抵赖不成,还有你对我说的那些甜言蜜语。。。”

    女人不容分说一古脑把话全倒了出来,这时那男人才无可奈何地插上话:“你说完了,该我说了。那不是我干的,那是我弟弟,我们是双胞胎! ”

    3丶

    一天,一个女孩在心里想着要和她喜欢的男孩表白。

    想着想着,男孩就来到了她身边,对她说我喜欢你,做我女朋友吧。

    女孩答应了,后来男孩慢慢爱上了女孩,一天在玩笑中说,那天我向你表白是我和朋友打赌输了。

    女孩笑笑说:我知道,是我让他们这么做得。

    0
     
  • berryp4204677 pm2:27 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 表白   

    你喜欢什么样的男生-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    一男生暗恋一女生,鼓起勇气问那女生喜欢什么样的男生。“投缘的”女生答,连问几遍都是一样的答案。该男生泄气道:“头扁的行不行”。

    2丶

    一男生对女神表白说:“前世的500次回眸换来今生的一次相遇,上辈子没在一起,注定我们今生会在一起。”

    女神弱弱的说了一句:“上辈子看了你500次都没相中你,你认为你有机会吗?”

    3丶

    一男生对一女生穷追不舍,可女生对他并不感兴趣,屡次对他说出实情,可该男生却依然顽固不化。

    有一天,女生实在忍不住了,在男生的一再纠缠下猛地回头,拍案而起道:

    “你到底喜欢我什么啊?我改还不行吗?”

    0
     
  • shelleyconingham pm12:07 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 表白   

    现代爱情烹调法-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    主料:适龄未婚男女各一名(初恋者为佳),情敌一至三名,选红娘一名备用。

    调味料:言情小说一部,浪漫一瓢,醋三至五勺,盐花一把,定情信物各一件,真诚各一份,嫉妒少许,柔情千种,思念万般。

    烹制方法:

    1、将男女分开,分别用言情小说的浪漫情节腌制,以二至三年为宜,至入味;

    2、将男女同时放入同一容器内,放浪漫少许搅匀,如有必要,可加入少许红娘;

    3、将男女分开,分别放入思念万般拌匀发酵;

    4、将发酵好了的男女同时放入烹调爱情的锅中,加大量浪漫、柔情千种、真诚各一份,用爱火慢慢焙煎。注意:切勿用猛火,用猛火难以烧透入味,并容易出现夹生现象。

    5、加入情敌一至三名(男女均可),再加醋三至五勺,嫉妒少许,加大火力,翻炒数次,一增加其味,使其波折重重;

    6、除去情敌,除去嫉妒,再加入浪漫,用爱火欲火反复煎熬,使其灵肉合一。起锅时,撒盐花一把,成盘后,附定情信物各一件一起上桌,此菜即成。

    2丶

    注意:一定要看完,我的肺腑之言!给点面子嘛

    XXX,我的宝贝,当你看到这封信的时候,你一定可以感受到我内心的痛苦。

    每次看到你在线上,总想向你倾诉,刚鼓足勇气,我又变得支支吾吾。那句话始终说不出口。

    我好恨自己的懦弱,为什么连这么简单的三个字都无法亲口对你说呢?每当午夜梦回,真的好想鼓起勇气对你说出那三个字。你也知道,说出那三个字是需要相当大的勇气的!

    不对你说出那三个字,我的生活会陷入困顿。你也许可以想象到,对面时尚屋里的那件套衫,穿在我身上时的感觉是多么的美好。你也应该明白,我的靓丽,也会增添你的光彩。我以这种方式向你表白,希望你能够谅解。我知道,你也许无法接受。其实我也不想说出来给你造成太大的压力。MYDEAR,听我说,MYLOVE,你能了解吗?今天我一定要将藏匿在我心中的那三个字说出来……

    三个字,会让人怦怦直跳的三个字,这便是大家常说的:“借我钱!!! ”

    柔情亲笔

    不回复,就是默认要借我钱喽!!!谢谢啊!呵呵……

    3丶

    注意事项:

    一、要看东家是谁(像打狗要看狗主人),讨厌的人,请吃满汉全席也不去;

    二、想吃川菜的时候,决不蹭东北菜的饭;

    三、蹭饭之前决不能故意饿出上一顿,吃相太猛以后别人就不敢请了;

    四、就算要饿,也以七日为限,不然,饿死就太不值了;

    五、要想蹭得提前做好准备,观察谁请客的概率最大,不打无准备之仗;

    六、蹭饭之道,贵在坚持,要有失败一百次才能蹭到一顿好饭的勇气与恒心;

    七、蹭得饭不好不能迫于面子忍气吞声,要善于暗示对方你的不满,否则有可能对方以后就按这个标准打发你了;

    八、蹭帅哥饭的时候,吃饭时要文雅,让他对你出众的仪表和谈吐倾心;蹭青蛙饭的时候,吃饭时比他还要凶猛,以防被青蛙追;

    九、同性的少蹭,因为那是欠人情;异性得多蹭,那是给他面子;

    十、蹭了就蹭了,不要总想些不利于消化的形而上问题。例如:蹭了同性恋的饭是欠了人情还是给了面子?

    十一、吃饭不忘请客人,不可一味闷着头吃,要匀给请客人一些眼神,回眸一笑百霉生,秦皇汉武皆失色;

    基本原则:

    眼要灵,手要快,皮要厚,嘴要大;

    蹭饭最重要的原则就是身上绝不能带一分钱去,免得取义不成反成仁;

    手眼一条线,筷子如闪电;

    0
     
  • patrickkawamoto pm6:25 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 表白   

    记住,你属龙 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    某个暑假无聊的下午,混进网吧。

    “老板,上网。”

    老板看了两眼,问我哪年生的?

    我答88年,老板又问属什么。

    我当时就愣了,开始心算,91年属羊,90年属马,然后思维就混乱了……

    老板叹了口气说:“记住,你属龙,进去吧!”

    2丶

    某程序员对书法十分感兴趣,退休后决定在这方面有所建树。

    于是,其花重金购买了上等的文房四宝。

    一日,饭后突生雅兴,一番磨墨拟纸,并点上了上好的檀香,

    颇有王羲之风范,又具颜真卿气势,定神片刻,

    泼墨挥毫,郑重地写下一行字:“hello world.。”

    3丶

    曾经我无可救药的喜欢上了一漂亮的女网友,向她表白却被拒绝了。

    她说是为了我好,我一直以为只是她的借口,直到我见到了她的素颜。

    网络上还是有很多好人啊……

    0
     
  • jeromesaiz3049 pm3:05 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: , , 表白   

    真是个行家! -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    电脑工作者梦见自己向其女友表白:“我这个人总的说来主板还可以,特别是芯好,而且内存(内涵)丰富,价格、性能(花费、能力)优秀,你能相中我,真是个行家!”

    2丶

    刚才趁室友上厕所,把他的电脑桌面按print键截屏截下来,设置为桌面。然后把原来在桌面上的文件统统移到一个盘的文件夹里,这样桌面看上去和平时一个样。他回来后狂点鼠标,却没有反应!现在还在关机,开机,关机,开机,关机,开机中……BAZINGA!

    3丶

    问:“微博最早是谁发明的?”

    答:“必须是腾讯!”

    ——因为:QQ十多年来一直没穿内裤,却一直系着围脖!!!

    0
     
  • 12345 pm4:17 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , , , 表白   

    喊叔叔,不喊不给吃~ 

      NO.1
      
      读书时一直暗恋她,但没有勇气表白,更没胆量碰她。毕业后,她已经结婚了,她老公跟我是同学,那天下午,她抱着娃娃在喂奶,我找了个借口,我走到她面前,一把两手按住她的咪咪,然后跟她娃娃说:“喊叔叔,不喊不给吃!”
      
      NO.2
      
      我的二货女友第一次做微商还是卖内衣,不知道怎么和陌生人推销!附近人加她为好友,把她兴奋的要命,马上通知然后说:你好!对方也回了一个:你好!!女友忽然发了一个穿着内衣妹子图片,跟上问了一句:帅哥,要吗?过了许久,对方发了一个酒店地址和房间号!!
      
      NO.3
      
      表姐失恋了,原因前天陪男朋友去公园玩,表姐想装一把淑女,就跟矫情的推了男的一把,可惜没控制好力道一把将男的推河里去了,最后还是表姐跳河里把人救上来的…
      
      NO.4
      
      一对小情侣吃夜市,隔壁桌几个醉汉对女孩吹口哨,男孩看见了拉了下女孩。想叫女孩离开!女孩见状骂男孩不是男人,自己女友被别人吹口哨了,还想着早点离开!然后又跑过去骂那桌醉汉,醉汉想给女孩一耳光。男孩上前阻止,和醉汉打了起来!最后被醉汉捅了三刀。不治身亡!男孩死前只说了一句话“这样算男人了吧!”
      
      NO.5
      
      杨过激动道:“姑姑,这16年你都去哪里了?过儿好想你!”﹉小龙女:“我一直在寒冰床上疗伤。”杨过看到小龙女身边的男子问道:“姑姑,那这位少侠是谁?”男子回道:“杨大侠你好!在下寒冰是也!”
      
      NO.6
      
      ………有次半夜做梦梦到自己脚上起了水泡,想着狠一下心捏破就好了,于是使劲捏了一下,然后我被一声惨叫惊醒,开灯一看,老婆捂着胸前的小樱桃咬牙切齿的看着我,然后………然后………分房睡了一星期!
      
      NO.7
      
      “你是怎样把孩子从幼儿园骗走的呢?”记者采访被捕的人贩子。“没什么的”,人贩子抬起头憨厚地笑着回答:“我每天都看他父母的微博,对这娃太熟了。”
      
      NO.8
      
      昨天女朋友说我数学不好,我说不可能,然后她就给我写了一道:3-8=?我觉得她这是在侮辱我的智商!

    0
     
  • joannt170527565 pm2:17 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , 表白   

    你昨晚是不是玩吃鸡了 

    1丶

    看到女同事无精打采的打盹,于是我问她,昨晚是不是玩吃鸡游戏玩到很晚?
    女同事神色慌张,摸了摸嘴,照了照镜子问道:“你怎么知道的?是不是有毛毛被你看到了?”
    我:“……”

    2丶

    大三了,我觉得该向我暗恋的女神表白了,她喜欢吃鸡肉,于是我买了一只鸡到她宿舍楼下,打电话把她叫下来,女神接过鸡,尝了一口,没说话,感动的把眼泪流了出来
    我趁热打铁问道:“怎么样,是不是觉得现在特别了解你,给你买了最喜欢吃的鸡?”
    女神捂住嘴:“水~水~”
    我:“什么?”
    女神:“我最怕吃芥末,你买个芥末鸡,是来看我出丑的吧?”
    我:“……”

    3丶

    小美在厨房炒菜,被老公莫名其妙一阵暴扁。
    小美躺在地上哭了:这日子没法过了,凭啥打人?
    老公啪一声将小美的手机丢在地上:贱人自己看!
    小美捡起手机一看,
    只见化名游戏红尘的网友发了条信息:大吉大利!
    小美回信:今夜我要吃鸡!

    0
     
  • rudyqav0587 am8:52 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , , 表白   

    我女神找我了,这咖啡的钱你先给吧,拜拜 

      1.约喜欢很久的男神去喝咖啡,鼓起勇气跟他表白,男神:“不好意思,我有喜欢的女孩了。”我难过的看着他,他说:“你不信啊,我给你看看她的照片。”男神拿着手机给我看,我看了半天发现手机里照找我,我害羞的说:“原来你也喜欢我。”男神愣了一下,把手机转向自己,说:“哦,是手机屏幕关了。”男神把手机开打给我看:“是这个女孩子,我很喜欢她。”男神的电话响了,男神接起电话说:“喂,你在逛街,好好,我马上来。”男神对我说:“我女神找我了,这咖啡的钱你先给吧,拜拜。”

      2.每年过年,家家户户都会把福字倒着贴,寓意福到了,丈夫看别人家都贴福,心想把钱字倒着贴,那不寓意钱到了吗,于是丈夫自己写了钱字把它贴在了门上,妻子过来看到了,问丈夫:这是你贴的吗?丈夫自豪的说:那是,还是我自己亲手写的。妻子问:你知道钱倒着贴是什么意思?丈夫:当然知道,寓意钱到了,哈哈哈。妻子一个巴掌拍在了丈夫的脑袋上,大吼:你这个傻瓜,这是倒贴钱。丈夫……

      3.趁老婆跟老妈出门,我对老爸说:爸,你知道吗,我每个月工资一发,我老婆就把我的工资全拿走了,都不给我留一分钱,哎~~过两天我们高中有个同学聚会,他们说要AA制,每个人先交两百块钱,多退少补。老爸:能说重点吗?

      我:爸,你能借两百块钱给我吗?老爸有点生气的说:你一个男子汉居然这么怕自己老婆,你还是男人吗,怎么一点都不像我,我在家都是我说了算,家里的钱都是我管的。老爸送口袋里拿出三百块钱递给我,老妈和老婆不知道什么时候站在后面,叫道:你们两个干什么呢?吓的我们钱都掉地上了,老爸灵机一动把钱捡起来塞到我手里,对我说:不要给我了,我跟你妈的钱够用的。我尴尬地站在那里不敢动,老妈上前一把把钱拿了过去,说:这次的先收下,下次不要给了。老爸老妈进了厨房,老婆立马上前质问:你这钱哪来的。我:那钱是老爸的私房钱,你信吗?老婆咬牙切齿的说:你觉得我信吗?我……

    0
     
  • kristoferqwg pm3:55 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 表白   

    v对w说 

    1丶

    v对w说:我也要像你一样,找一个最爱的、深爱的、相爱的、亲爱的人来告别单身。

    2丶

    暗恋已久的美女MM表白了;  MM:“我喜欢一个人。”  我:“谁?”  MM:“我喜欢一个人。”  我:“谁啊?”  MM:“我喜欢一个人!”  我:“到底谁啊?”  MM:“姐喜欢单身!”

    3丶

    白开水在矿泉水面前大发感慨:“这年头,有钱能使磨退鬼,你瞧咖啡那黑不溜秋的家伙,仗着自己的身价上涨,狠赚了不少,现在都娶上媳妇了。哪像咱们俩,一穷二白,一直单身!”  矿泉水将信将疑地问:“它媳妇叫啥啊?”  “咖啡伴侣呗!”

    0
     
  • 萌萌 pm3:47 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 表白   

    幽默笑话:最近经常聚会,难免喝多 

      【幽默笑话】最近经常聚会,难免喝多~刚刚醒酒看聊天记录,我居然酒后跟男神表白了,他还同意了!是不是觉得这是个好事呢?要是这样我也就不说了,他同意之后我对他说:不行,我实在是不忍心祸害你,你当我没说吧!他说:好的……妈呀!我是有多二,好后悔!

      【幽默笑话】过年男友买了双新鞋,样式有些潮,但男友爸爸看不惯,觉得不伦不类,吊儿郎当的。他一穿那鞋就会被骂。前天又被骂,男友嬉皮笑脸地说:“爸,你不懂,穿上这双鞋,我就是我们村最靓的仔!”男友爸爸鼻子一哼声:“哦哟,还最靓的仔,我看你是口气比脚气还大!”

      【幽默笑话】男友来家里拜年,吃饭时候男友借着酒劲问我爸:“叔,今年我们想结婚,不知道您跟阿姨有啥要求?”老爸笑呵呵的说:“没啥要求,抽空跟你父母见个面吃个饭就行。”男友又问:“叔,您看彩礼啥的要准备多少?” 老爸:“你们年轻人压力大…” 我一听这是要把我白送的节奏,赶紧打断老爸,调侃:“彩礼得30万。”老爸涨红脸补充说:“女儿说30万就30万。”老爸又压低声音对男友说:“要是关键位置有了人,不但不要彩礼,我还送你一辆车,30万以下的随便挑!”男友一脸茫然,夹了爆炒腰花,狠狠吃了两口……

    0
     

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