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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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 背景 | 贱萌萌_节操笑话|萌图,内涵图,内涵段子,搞笑图片,笑话

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Tagged: 背景 RSS Toggle Comment Threads | 键盘快捷键

  • marlonhersh pm5:54 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 背景,   

    聊天笑话 -程序猿段子 

    1丶

    A:聊的真愉快…..

    B:是ㄚ….

    A:对了,你都是在那里连上网路的呀?

    B:我在家里呀!!

    A:oh…?家里也可以连??

    B:我用modem呀!

    A:oh…..modem牌电脑可以上网路呀??

    B:………

    A:怎麽没反应??

    B:sorry….我刚刚在地上打滚…..

    2丶

    比尔.盖茨和乔布斯各带了两个职员去洛杉矶开会,在火车站他们相遇了,比尔问乔布斯买好了车票没有,乔说买了一张,比很惊奇,想看看乔等三个人怎样躲过查票员的检查。火车开动,查票员来了,比发现乔及其职员躲到一个厕所里去了,查票员敲厕所门时,他们从门缝里塞了一张票出来,躲过了查票员的检查,比对乔佩服的五体投地,决定回来时效仿乔。

    回来时,他们又相遇了,比扬着手中的车票对乔说,其实你那一招我早会了,看看,我也只买了一张车票,乔说,哦,是吗!?我们这次可一张票都没买。比又大吃一惊,搞不懂乔布斯没票怎样躲过查票员。火车一开动,比尔便立即与他的职员躲进一间厕所里去,乔耸了耸肩膀,走过去敲响了比尔盖茨的厕所门……

    3丶

    “一小郭子奶稀”小两口台见:
    今日之事可谓遇史无前例之“浆糊”——某电视台拍节目。
    10:00左右突闻某电视台要做网站,但尚无具体内容,仅标志而已,乃商议等内容定了再做。孰料片刻后复有电话曰:材料在XX网上,内容为网络助学,献爱心!且下午要来拍摄节目,并指明要拍网站。于是上网去当,奈何网络慢如蜗牛,乃疯狂搜罗苦难儿童事迹,幸于在某网拾得一白血病患儿之母之求援信,乃拷之,复贴之;又穷3小时构想页面排版,于下午2时许方得。
    盖当此首页之框架完成三中之二时,制片曰:时间紧迫,立即开拍。万般无奈下,将排版的psd格式转存jpg图片格式,作为特大背景图贴于一空白网页中,以IE4全屏模式显示,镜头中倒也有模有样。看主持人独对一图片敲打键盘,口中振振有词,众领导皆作欣喜状!乃叹浆糊,一叹自学会网页制作以来最浆糊之作竟一炮而上电视(不知片子是否会通过节目审批,即使通过,也要在4、5月才能播出。又叹,何苦如此猴急,多一天岂不全全搞定?);二叹电视台也如此制假,打假何时才能实现?唯一所幸是众领导对吾photoshop、illustrator以及3dsmax之技术赞叹不已,盖见吾快捷键运用如飞之故?
    闲来无事,写于二位作茶余饭后之谈资,以博一笑耳。

    0
     
  • kindramoritz305 am11:56 on 2019年2月16日
    标签: 背景   

    吃啥补啥(成语理解) 

    1、他做生意总是亏,人们都说他“缺心眼”,都说吃啥补啥,他吃“狼心狗肺”好好补补,结果:出现了假海鲜、毒牛奶、毒大米……他发了,人们都不敢吃了……

    2、他搞建筑,做事认真,却发不了财,人们都说胆子太小,都说吃啥补啥,他吃了“狗胆包天”,出现危楼、危桥……

    3、他公务员,没有背景,只能默默努力,人们说他没有出息,都说吃啥补啥,他吃了“龙肝凤胆”,很快迅速提升,出现了“三多”、“四多”、“五多”、“六多”……

    ……

    0
     
  • 萌萌 pm5:29 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: , 背景   

    爆笑吃货:吃出水平吃出感情 

    1、其实吃货们原本是想体重可以满100减20,谁料结果却是满100送30。。。

    2、“作为一个吃货,经常失眠怎么办?”
    “将莲子、龙眼、花生配粟米放入锅中,文火,慢煮,手持汤勺,顺时针搅一圈,再逆时针搅两圈,顺时针三圈,逆四圈,顺五,逆六……依此类推,搅着搅着,你就睡着了。”

    3、“在吃货眼里,我永远只是一块肉。”———培根

    4、“你有啥忌口没,不能吃啥?”
    “不能吃。。。不饱”

    5、和几个哥们儿去下馆子,途中闻到阵阵饭菜香味儿。
    哥们A皱皱眉头:“好香啊!这是醋熘土豆丝的味道。”
    B摇摇头:“这分明是熘大肠的味道,你怎么荤素不分啊?”
    我闻了闻,说:“是红烧鲤鱼的味道!”
    哥们D见我们吵得脸红脖子粗,便来到一个垃圾桶边,往里瞅了瞅,说:“吃货们别争了!这里有个塑料袋,里面是剩饭,有醋熘土豆丝、熘大肠、红烧鲤鱼,还有地三鲜呢!”

    6、两个人哪怕年龄、背景、三观、爱好、财力、智力都相近,只要吃不到一起去,一样没法做朋友。
    我口水淌到地下了,她却说好恶心,那就是分分钟绝交的节奏;能一起狂吃麻辣烫,大嚼锅包肉,猛撸羊肉串,怒吞煎饼果子,才是友谊的起点。

    7、爱吃是一种学问,是一种艺术,是一种追求美好事物的精神境界,所以别说我是吃货,叫我馋师。

    找个吃货女友,会是种什么感受?

    0
     
  • waylonlaing772 pm2:26 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: 背景,   

    妹妹吃鸡腿不 

    1丶

    3岁双胞胎妹妹,小妹最爱鸡腿。  姐姐今天和她们玩躲猫猫,姐姐带大妹躲,  小妹跟着爸爸躲。等他们藏好后,大妹吼了句:“妹妹吃鸡腿不?”  闻言就只听窗帘后传来激动的声音:“我吃~~~吃~”  简直不费吹灰之力啊。。。

    2丶

    5岁的淇淇跟爸爸的朋友一起到饭馆吃饭。点完菜后,服务员问要多少碗饭。她爸爸说:“就要人头饭(指多少个人就来多少碗饭)吧!”  淇淇听后紧张地说:“我不吃人头饭,我吃鸡头饭,鸭头饭也可以!”

    3丶

    H7N9背景下,某天早晨同事吃鸡蛋,  被问到怎么这个时候还敢吃鸡蛋,  同事一脸天真:“吃鸡蛋怎么了?鸡是生病了,  可孩子是无辜的呀!”……多深刻多有哲理啊!

    0
     
  • jeannapuig350 pm12:56 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: 背景   

    牵针引线拉出来的趣事 

    1、俗话说跟着苍蝇就会找到厕所,你跟着蜜蜂就会找到花朵。你还真别说,挺灵光的,我跟着姑娘就进了派出所。

    2、H7N9背景下,某天早晨同事吃鸡蛋,被问到怎么这个时候还敢吃鸡蛋。
    同事一脸天真:“吃鸡蛋怎么了?鸡是生病了,可孩子是无辜的呀….”

    3、有一个同学小名叫大宝,因为人们都叫他大宝所以大名反而被忽略了,时间长了,有一个老师问其他班同学,大宝大名叫什么,只听该班同学有一个说叫“SOD密。”

    0
     
  • rudyqav0587 pm4:39 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 背景   

    相亲不喝酒,喝酒不相亲 

    1丶

    春节期间被家人逼着相亲,两大家子人和媒人满满坐了一桌,喝大了。  此为背景……酒足饱饭之后,家长提议让我带那个妹子出去转转,谁料LZ尽然牵着她表妹的手夺门而出。  临走前还说了句:人,我就带走了……这下糗大了。不知道我还有没有机会了。  妹子,其实我是真心喜欢你,只是跑偏了。  在此警告大家:相亲不喝酒,喝酒不相亲

    2丶

    春节期间和老婆啪啪的时候心情和平常也是不一样的,情不自禁的哼出了神曲:你是我的小呀小老婆,怎么爱你都不嫌多。话音未落,就听到啪啪的两耳光声,老婆大怒到:我去,我是你的小老婆,感情你还有大老婆哇?O__O”…老婆,我错了。。。

    3丶

    春节前,某肉食站总要留一部分猪头给熟人。一天,他们卖了猎肉,把留下的猎头分别写上张三、李四、王五、赵六……  有个专管市场的朱主任来到库房,一看没有写自己的名字,便大发雷霆:“他妈的,怎么没有我的头?”肉食站的小刘忙把朱主任领到屠宰场,指着一头待杀的肥猎说:“朱主任,看,你的头最大。”

    0
     
  • jamesgl65421934 am10:16 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: , , 背景   

    社会 讽刺与挖苦的精选逗段 

    1、别看胖子们平时害怕露肉暴露自己,称体重时可是脱得精光呢,能少一两是一两。

    2、所谓单人床和双人床,跟宽度没关系,枕边有人就是双人床,单身睡再大的床也是单人床。

    3、那个让你在最高兴的时候一想起就会立即变得难过,又或者在最悲伤的时候一想起就会扬起微笑的人,叫做遗憾。

    4、比你优秀的人比你更努力,这个你可以接受。但是比你优秀的人,比你更不努力,你就懵了,凭啥呀?就凭你蠢。

    5、希望现在的男演员们,能分清妖孽和娘炮、风流和猥琐、英武和粗鲁、冰山和面瘫、自闭和弱智、眼睛里有雾和脑子里有水的本质区别。

    6、圣母和圣母婊的区别在于,圣母:那个人真可怜,我要去帮助。圣母婊:那个人真可怜,你们要去帮助他。

    7、一个人喝多了给你打电话,除了能确定他手机还有电,别的啥也不能确定。

    8、能全勤出席的孩子要么非常幸运、能一整年都不生病;要么非常不幸运、因为有对就算孩子生病也要让他去上学的父母。

    9、当有一天,你闺密突然放了一张你和她的合照做手机背景,你知道这说明什么吗?说明了这张照片她照得比你好看。

    10、当代青年主要运行项目是:取快递、取外卖!

    0
     
  • 最萌的贱人 am10:36 on 2019年2月11日
    标签: 背景   

    胸部按摩,我老公最在行了 

    1丶

    一女性朋友行政人员,离异,看不起没工作单位的人,特爱显摆~此为背景!一天她对楼主说:“最近去了家超级大型美容店,有乳房按摩项目,可以疏通淋巴结还有乳腺什么的,特别好,就是收费很贵,你的收入可能不合适去!”
    楼主听完回答:“我有老公按也是一样的!”

    2丶

    同学聚会,有一女同学喝得烂醉如泥,大家说打电话叫她老公来接吧。于是把她电话翻出来,找到备注老公的打过去叫他来接。他老公来后,一女同学问他:你怎么证明是他老公呀?他老公想了想:她左胸上有颗痣。“那就对了,你把她接回去吧”。几个男同学同时说道。。。

    3丶

    今天中午和两个好朋友吃饭,我们三个都属于聊起天来无节操无下限的,
    其中一个说,女儿有天摸着她的胸说:妈妈,你的胸怎么还没有爸爸的大…
    瞬间我们笑喷了,她继续说,我老公现在挤一挤还有沟,
    她自己躺在床上连奶头都看不见,看不见…

    0
     
  • 12345 am10:24 on 2019年2月11日
    标签: 背景   

    胸大的弊端 

    1丶

    和初中同学聚会,有一个女同学上学的时候是学校的短跑健将

    跑的非常快,以此为背景。

    当我见到她时绝对的震惊,她从当初的飞机场已经进化成了波霸了

    我目测了一下,有D到E那么大。同学中有许多男淫时不时的瞟向她的胸部

    其中一个比较手贱的同学上去迅速的拍了一下她的胸部,转身就跑

    她立马急了,直接追了上去。

    结果竟然是她没有追到人家!这使我们很惊讶

    一同学幽幽的说道:“真是岁月不饶人啊……”

    这句话刚落,另一个平胸的女同学就说道:“什么岁月不饶人?

    她分明是负担太重了!”
    负担……太重……重……

    同学,你这是赤裸裸的嫉妒吧?

    2丶

    小胸女的悲剧–刚才下课人忒多一男的胳膊肘碰到我胸部啊,

    胸罩瞬间凹进去了啊。不敢用手掏啊,挺了一路也没挺回来…

    3丶

    甲:形容女人胸小。比飞机场更狠的是什么?

    乙:盆地!

    甲:再狠一点!

    乙:大自流盆地!

    甲:还敢不敢再狠一点?

    乙:乍得盆地!

    甲:还有呢?!

    乙:刚果盆地!

    甲:好!这真是极好!

    (PS:大自流盆地,全球第三大盆地,

    乍得盆地,全球第二大盆地,

    刚果盆地,全球最大的盆地!)

    0
     
  • leonidaolds8 am10:05 on 2019年2月9日
    标签: , , 背景,   

    高考为什么要改在6月7、8号 

    1丶

    北京,就是背景。
    上海就是商海。
    老公,就是劳工。
    晚上,就是玩赏。
    升职,就是升值。
    誓言,就是失言。
    男人,就是难人。
    理想,就是离乡。
    缘分,就是怨愤。
    失去,就是拾取。
    清醒,就是庆幸。
    结婚就是皆昏。
    知道高考为什么要改在6月7、8号吗?
    意思是:“录取吧”!

    2丶

    背单词到日暮,

    几何代数忙碌。

    理化生堵路,

    高考内心深处,

    百度,百度,

    尽是一滩愤怒。

    3丶

    材料:一个人白手起家,成了富翁。他为人慷慨,热心慈善事业。一天,他了解到有三个贫困家庭,生活难以为继。他同情这几个家庭的处境,决定向他们提供捐助。一家十分感激,高兴地接受了他的帮助;一家犹豫着接受了,但声明一定会偿还;一家谢谢他的好意,但认为这是一种施舍,拒绝了。

    1、一家十分感激,高兴地接受了他的帮助。后来,那个帮助的人就呆在那个村子不走了,在那里投资种果树、开工厂,成为名噪一时的农民企业家,结果穷人更穷,富人更富。

    2、一家犹豫着接受了,但声明一定会偿还。他们双方签定盟约,他们没法用现金偿还,决定给他打工,用来偿还他的资助,结果,子子孙孙成了他的工人,富人始终还是他们的老板。

    3、一家谢谢他的好意,但认为这是一种施舍,拒绝了。穷人说,我不要你的资助,但我要你的经验,那个富翁把他如何从一个穷小子变成富翁的坎坷经历一五一十的讲给他听,然后他告诉他,我成功也是机遇加巧合,还有那么点聪明。一是我的胆量,敢赌。我破釜沉舟,把我父亲给我一年的生活费全部买了一堆烂石;第二我碰到一个穷困潦倒的雕刻艺术家,仅给他一碗面条,他就帮我雕了一个与众不同的艺术绝品;第三在一个拍卖会上碰到一群疯子,砸钱争抢我手中的作品,我成了千万富翁。几年以后,那个穷人头发花白,还在山上的乱石中寻找天上掉下来的馅饼……

    0
     

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