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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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PHP Version 5.4.45


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Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
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Tagged: 手机 RSS Toggle Comment Threads | 键盘快捷键

  • joannt170527565 pm2:00 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机,   

    幽默笑话:侄子给我要压岁钱 

      【幽默笑话】实在太冷了,在婆家也不可能一整天躲被窝。每天下午陪十一个月小崽子睡午觉是最幸福的时光。每当小崽子迷迷糊糊睁开眼,我都惊恐万分:“崽啊,再睡睡,崽啊,你再好好考虑考虑,睡觉多暖和啊!”然后我崽由迷糊到完全清醒就几秒的时间,给我个类似于白眼的眼神,不畏严寒一骨碌坐起来,回头看我没动静,接着慢慢爬到冰凉凉的地板上,开始一边爬一边哇哇哭!

      【幽默笑话】我弟的事,之前谈婚论嫁的一个姑娘,彩礼钱是按我们那边最高标准准备的,家里装修家电什么都是准备好的。结婚前两周,女方要求上车费8万8,理由是给她弟弟堂弟表弟一人2万2。太扯了!弟弟找她谈了几次,都没谈拢。我爸妈操心的整晚整晚的睡不好觉。弟弟一生气也不结了,而且把彩礼钱给要回来了。现在重新找的弟妹人长的丑还懒,整天抱着手机呵呵的啥也不管,现在我弟天天以泪洗面。现在他也明白了,上帝给你关上了一扇门,还会顺带着夹一下你的脑袋!

      【幽默笑话】侄子给我要压岁钱。我问他,按一岁二十块,我该给你多少的红包?侄子说,我九岁,二九一百八,你该给我一百八,你难不倒我的,我记忆力好着呢!我对他一阵夸,他开开心心跑走了,忘了红包的事儿了……

    0
     
  • leonidaolds8 pm1:23 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: , , 手机, , ,   

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸 

      幽默笑话(上)

      1

      上大学那会晚上跟女朋友出去逛,一半的时候她说:不好意思哈,跟我逛浪费你的学学习时间了,我:没事,就当是出来遛狗了,刚说完看女朋友一脸黑线,赶紧改口:汪…汪…汪

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      2

      小时候,我去欺负一个小朋友。那个小朋友,哭了。大声喊着:“你等着,我叫我姐来。”我说:“好,我等着。”五分钟后,小朋友哭着跑回来了:“我姐不在家。”我被小朋友的认真精神感动了!于是我又打了他一顿!

      3

      跟着大哥好好干,大哥不会亏待你的,看好了,你一个,我一个,你一个,我一个,好啦,剩下的都是我的。”“大哥,咱这次就偷了包瓜子,不用这么分了吧!”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      4

      女人生气的时候,你知道原因吗?”“经常是一些小事儿吧。。。”“才不是!比如说,你养的宠物打碎了你喜欢的杯子,你会生气,可是在宠物看来这并没有什么,对不对?这就是女人为什么是比男人高级的动物。”我竟无法反驳。

      5

      小齐每天上课就知道睡觉,放学泡吧,书包里的书从来没看过,一天,我和几个哥们心血来潮把他书包里的书换成了砖头,他一丝都没有发觉,直到有次上早自习迟到了,老师让他在门外背课文,就在众目睽睽之下拿出了砖头,只见老师退后了几步,那场面越想越搞笑

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      6

      你有钱,周围全是笑脸;你没钱,个个把你疏远;你风光,再忙都要去拜访;你落魄,再闲也说没时间。现实的社会,真心没有钱值钱,感情只和钱有缘。

      幽默笑话(下)

      1

      二货胖女友又卖萌了,嘟嘴对俺说:“待我长发及腰,娶我可好……”我瞄了她一眼,淡淡说:“我看没机会了,看你胖的,我这辈子估计都找不到你的腰在哪……”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      2

      昨天,一妹纸过来让我帮她拧一下瓶盖,我欣然答应。恰巧此时妹纸快递来了,但我看她手撕快递包裹的那种气吞山河的姿势,怎么也不像拧不开瓶盖的弱女子

      3

      我是个网购达人,经常收快递、寄快递。因此,手机里就存了不少快递号码。一天,圆通快递员小张打我手机,我存了他的号为“圆通”。结果,我妈拿着手机跑过来说:“女儿,有个和尚找你……”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      4

      某人妻子生病了,请来医生为其看病。医生检查了一下,问道:“有螺丝刀吗?”“有的,给您。”过了一会,医生又问:“有锤子吗?”这时丈夫更为疑惑:“有……不过,我妻子得的是什么病,是不是很严重?''“没什么,我总得先把药箱打开。”

      5

      手指骨折去挂骨科。医生:“手指怎么断的?”我说:“我有强迫症。”医生:“你手指断了跟强迫症有什么关系?”我说:“十个手指九个都响,就它不响。

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  • sammyhorder5 pm1:15 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机   

    妹子手机是什么牌子的。。。 

    妹子手机是什么牌子的。。。

    0
     
  • lakeshavenn2 am11:17 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机,   

    笑话段子,相亲请女孩吃牛排,感觉气氛紧张 

      相亲请女孩吃牛排,感觉气氛紧张,为了缓解一下,就跟女孩说:我特别喜欢吃牛肉面!女孩害羞的说:现在已经在牛排店了,要不咱们晚上去吃牛肉面吧?我大手一挥说:不用,看我的!然后三下五除二就把一整块牛排全部切碎,拌到面里去了,看着女孩惊讶的表情我嘚瑟的跟她说:大变牛肉面……

      楼主母婴店上班,今天一个帅哥说要给买东西,问清楚要什么后,问他要什么价位的,他毫不犹豫的说:给我媳妇拿最好的卫生巾,最贵的哺乳衣,再给我拿个经济实惠点的尿片,小兔崽子把他.妈累得够呛,不用用太贵的!莫名觉得这帅哥好暖啊……

      手机掉地上,把钢化膜摔碎了!咯咯咯……去比较熟悉的一个店去贴膜,以前都是在这家贴的。恰巧老板不在,老板娘接待的,拿个膜就给我贴。我问她:这个多少钱?告诉我:10块钱。我说:给我贴个好点的啊!老板娘:20的也是这个膜,熟人就给10块钱,看到二傻子,就要20!MD你老公每次都收我20……

      公园的草坪插着一块牌子,上面写着:“禁踩草坪,违规者罚款一元。”公园里的一位常客发现,与以前相比,牌子上写的罚款变少了,于是问公园里的服务人员:“为什么罚款降低了呢?以前不是需要罚款五元?”服务人员:“五块没人踩。”大家有什么好笑的,好玩的趣事或者想要看什么样的段子都可以在评论区留言哦!

    0
     
  • lakeshavenn2 am11:02 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机,   

    笑掉大牙:诶呀,我好冷啊你可别冷着 

      1、男人28岁之前都很自信,32岁开始冷静,40岁开始认命。

      2、“研究表明,80%的男生都找不出女朋友生气的原因。”

      “那剩下的20%还是不错的。”

      “不是的,剩下的20%连生不生气都看不出来! ”

      3、当女生跟你说“好冷氨的时候,其实是暗含了对你的关心,这句话扩句的意思其实是:诶呀我好冷啊你可别冷着。

      这时候你应该不让她们担心,正确示范:“不怕,我不冷”。

      4、你不要看这个妹子在饭局中一言不发只顾玩手机,其实她早就有注意到你了,正在和闺蜜吐槽你呢!!!

      5、即便那七个小矮人对白雪公主再怎么好,她最后要牵的却还是王子的手。

    0
     
  • thomasmccollom am10:03 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机   

    经典幽默笑话:一穷小伙去相亲,回来后对媒人说…… 

      幽默笑话:有一位学生参加即席演讲,抽到的题目是“我的姐姐”。而他的一段开场白,立刻深深吸引了所有得人:我的姐姐说起话来“惊天动地”看到吃的就“欢天喜地”找起东西“翻天覆地”失恋了就“呼天抢地”向我借钱时“求天拜地”现在她总算出嫁了,真是“谢天谢地。”

      幽默笑话:午睡时,朋友老公揉着太阳穴对我说:“老婆,我脑袋疼。”朋友就问是不是要感冒啊!结果朋友老公说:“不是,我的脑袋装的全是你。”朋友听了心里挺乐,结果她老公又说:“以前你那么瘦,我还勉强能承受,现在你体积那么大,撑得我头疼。”

      

    经典幽默笑话:一穷小伙去相亲,回来后对媒人说……

      幽默笑话:一穷小伙去相亲,回来后对媒人说:“姑娘长得还可以,就是有点胖。”媒人说:“胖点怕什么,就你这条件,就算再胖咱也能饿瘦她!”

      幽默笑话:考试没考好,儿子被老婆狠狠地训了一顿。我安慰儿子,儿子却说:“你不用多说了,反正都是你的错。”我奇怪地问:“为什么会是我的错?”儿子说:“你娶了个厉害老婆,我不就有了个厉害妈。”

      

    经典幽默笑话:一穷小伙去相亲,回来后对媒人说……

      幽默笑话:从前,我在公交车上捡到过一个手机,当时还有一个好听的声音打进来,说:她是这个手机的失主,为了感谢我捡到手机,她说一定要请我吃大餐,地点就在一家高档的火锅店。当时,她点了很多牛肉,各种美味都点了一遍。就在我们快要结束的时候,美女突然说要打一个电话。然后,过了很久她都没回来。最后,就……从那以后,我也学会了这招,我也把手机,故意丢在了公交车上,但是我打电话的时候,都是听到:您所拨打的电话已关机!

      幽默笑话:我和老妈坐地铁回家,我在座位上玩王者荣耀游戏。突然,对面冲过来一个熊孩子,当时莫名其妙的就把我的手机打掉在地上,也不道歉,就跑回到他妈妈怀里。然后,熊孩子的老妈也不说个道歉的话,还嘲讽说:也就是一个小孩子,还不懂事呢。我当时就火了,然后上去就朝女人屁股上踹了一脚,然后,我也坐回到老妈怀里。我:我也是一个小孩子呢,我也不懂事!

      

    经典幽默笑话:一穷小伙去相亲,回来后对媒人说……

      幽默笑话:我有一个很蠢萌的朋友,他结婚还没几年,家里两口子就天天吵架,最后闹着说要离婚。然后,双方家长也都来了,争论了好久,家里财产如何分割,房子归谁等等!他们在去民政局的路上,我这个朋友就问他老婆,这个月,你的大姨妈来了吗?他老婆说,还没有来啊!好像怀孕了!于是,他俩又去了医院检查,医生说,果然是怀孕了。于是,他俩就高高兴兴地回家了。然后,留下双方父母,在民政局傻傻地等!

    0
     
  • ramiromondragon am9:54 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机   

    幽默笑话:小兄弟,你知道里面的碗有多大吗? 

      幽默笑话:今天中午手机响了,“喂,你哪位” “尊敬的用户恭喜你中奖了……(后面一堆话我没听,就听见说我中了50万奖励)” “你把钱打我卡上吧…… “不行先生,按国际规定,你得上个人所得税” “哦~这样啊,那你扣吧,剩下的打给我……” 电话那头“尼玛的,你这么小气,你还想中奖……”嘟嘟嘟…… 我默默的放下手机,这年头连骗子的服务态度都变得这样恶劣了。

      幽默笑话:昨天,老妈和老爸强行拉着我去相亲,我和男方见面后才发现我和那男的居然是小学同学。然后,我就看见那男的一直对他老妈说:妈,你快看!这就是小时候动不动就揍我,还强迫我给她写作业,天天抢我饭钱买零食的女同学……我:我小时候这么混蛋吗?

      幽默笑话:我在逛街的时候,发现路边有一家新店开业,门口写着:本店新开业!牛肉炸酱面全部免费,但每人限吃一碗,浪费者罚款一百!于是,我就看到有人冲着“免费的炸酱面”,就进去吃了,结果吃完都哭着出来了。我就问道:“大哥,你这不花钱白吃一碗面条,你怎么还哭了呢?太难吃了?”他说道:“小兄弟,你知道里面的碗有多大吗?就像家里洗脸盆这么大,谁吃得完啊!都是被罚款哭的!”

    0
     
  • angelicaledbette am9:26 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机   

    幽默笑话:一男子做梦,梦到自己在森林里 

      幽默笑话:我高中管得严,不让带手机,一天,班主任“混”进了我们班的群,发现一童鞋在线,然后果断打电话告诉家长,结果这货的老爸接的,他爸颤颤巍巍地回:“老师,是我登的,我要玩斗地主,自己的号没豆了,老师你还有什么事么,没事我挂了,这局就要赢了……”

      幽默笑话:一男子做梦,梦到自己在森林里,突然天上传来一个深沉的声音:“加一还是减一?”男的不知道该答什么好,于是顺口说了一句:“加一! ”等早上起床时,他惊奇地发现自己竟然多 了一个jj!吓得他赶忙跑到医院。大夫听他陈述后,一拍大腿道:“你怎么这么笨啊!你回去继续做梦,人家再问你,你就说减一不就行了! ”于是他赶紧跑回家上床睡觉。果然,他又做到了昨天的场景,不过这次天上传来的声音是:“加二还是减二?

      幽默笑话:我同学给我讲的高二那年,他半夜醒来,看到一个小偷从窗户进来,他当时心里就想,我先不动,一会等他进来了怎么怎么抓住他揍他结果想着想着又睡着了第二天,全寝室的钱都被偷了,自己的也偷了而且也不敢告诉室友们昨晚自己还知道有这事。

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  • 最萌的贱人 am9:25 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 手机   

    幽默笑话:老婆无意间发现老公手机里、存了一个名字叫“39M”的人 

      幽默笑话:玛丽告诉朋友罗斯她要跟网友见面。罗斯很替她担心。“别为我担心,”玛丽说,“我要求在高尔夫球场见面。”“为什么约在那里?”我问。“第一,那里是大庭广众。第二,那里是光天化日。第三,我手里拿着球棒。”她说道。

      幽默笑话:有一次和妹妹还有妹妹同学在家打扑克很安静,我突然放了个超响的屁。好尴尬啊,她俩什么都没说。我想缓和一下气氛说了句“该你了。”我妹妹来了句“我放不出来。。”当时我就给跪了。

      幽默笑话:老婆无意间发现老公手机里、存了一个名字叫“39M”的人!便一直很好奇、这个人到底是谁? 内心满是怀疑与疑问:3月9号认识的MM? 穿39码鞋的MM?3X9=27岁的小三? 还是罩杯是39M的大胸妹? ……直到某一天,这个39M打电话过来了。只听见老公一接电话:喂,三舅妈…..

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  • lakeshavenn2 pm2:03 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 手机,   

    女朋友家里的尴尬事-爱情冷笑话 

    1丶

    有天,我去女朋友家玩。女朋友的爸爸正在看动物世界,女朋友在洗碗。于是我坐沙发上跟她爸爸一起看动物世界

    镜头刚好是俩马在XX

    超害羞·······

    还是坚持看完

    女朋友的爸爸估计也很害羞 说 :“这俩马公的比母的大那么多啊 ! ”

    我说:“ 是啊 还以为是马妈妈跟小马呢…”

    汗。。。

    2丶

    有天和老婆出门,她在地铁里累了就双手挂我脖子上休息。忽然间手机响了,老婆顺手抢过来一看。短信上写着:“报告大哥!在地铁发现嫂子,和一个穿得很委琐的傻X男人抱在一起!!怎么办?”

    3丶

    有同学爱上本校一教授的女儿,在其猛烈的攻势之下,该女生仍不弃不离,一直没有明确表态,同学甚是苦恼。

    一日,同学在宿舍楼上见伊人在楼下东张西望,作等人状,大喜,忙下楼。趋步上前,走近,伊人眼望着他,说:“亲爱的,你终于出来了,等得我好苦。”同学如醍醐灌顶,幸福的要晕过去了,刚要应声,却见自身后花丛里窜出一条哈巴狗,颠颠地跑到伊人面前。眼睁睁的看着伊人抱起狗,跟狗吻了吻,然后在“亲爱的亲爱的”对话中飘逸而去。同学呆若木鸡,怔立当场,楼上目睹了全过程的众人一阵哄笑。同学愤而自嘲曰:“扬眉不看檀郎貌,低首却道犬容强。”

    0
     

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