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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
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  • leonidaolds8 pm1:23 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 快递, , , , ,   

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸 

      幽默笑话(上)

      1

      上大学那会晚上跟女朋友出去逛,一半的时候她说:不好意思哈,跟我逛浪费你的学学习时间了,我:没事,就当是出来遛狗了,刚说完看女朋友一脸黑线,赶紧改口:汪…汪…汪

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      2

      小时候,我去欺负一个小朋友。那个小朋友,哭了。大声喊着:“你等着,我叫我姐来。”我说:“好,我等着。”五分钟后,小朋友哭着跑回来了:“我姐不在家。”我被小朋友的认真精神感动了!于是我又打了他一顿!

      3

      跟着大哥好好干,大哥不会亏待你的,看好了,你一个,我一个,你一个,我一个,好啦,剩下的都是我的。”“大哥,咱这次就偷了包瓜子,不用这么分了吧!”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      4

      女人生气的时候,你知道原因吗?”“经常是一些小事儿吧。。。”“才不是!比如说,你养的宠物打碎了你喜欢的杯子,你会生气,可是在宠物看来这并没有什么,对不对?这就是女人为什么是比男人高级的动物。”我竟无法反驳。

      5

      小齐每天上课就知道睡觉,放学泡吧,书包里的书从来没看过,一天,我和几个哥们心血来潮把他书包里的书换成了砖头,他一丝都没有发觉,直到有次上早自习迟到了,老师让他在门外背课文,就在众目睽睽之下拿出了砖头,只见老师退后了几步,那场面越想越搞笑

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      6

      你有钱,周围全是笑脸;你没钱,个个把你疏远;你风光,再忙都要去拜访;你落魄,再闲也说没时间。现实的社会,真心没有钱值钱,感情只和钱有缘。

      幽默笑话(下)

      1

      二货胖女友又卖萌了,嘟嘴对俺说:“待我长发及腰,娶我可好……”我瞄了她一眼,淡淡说:“我看没机会了,看你胖的,我这辈子估计都找不到你的腰在哪……”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      2

      昨天,一妹纸过来让我帮她拧一下瓶盖,我欣然答应。恰巧此时妹纸快递来了,但我看她手撕快递包裹的那种气吞山河的姿势,怎么也不像拧不开瓶盖的弱女子

      3

      我是个网购达人,经常收快递、寄快递。因此,手机里就存了不少快递号码。一天,圆通快递员小张打我手机,我存了他的号为“圆通”。结果,我妈拿着手机跑过来说:“女儿,有个和尚找你……”

      

    精选幽默笑话:​你有钱,周围全是笑脸

      4

      某人妻子生病了,请来医生为其看病。医生检查了一下,问道:“有螺丝刀吗?”“有的,给您。”过了一会,医生又问:“有锤子吗?”这时丈夫更为疑惑:“有……不过,我妻子得的是什么病,是不是很严重?''“没什么,我总得先把药箱打开。”

      5

      手指骨折去挂骨科。医生:“手指怎么断的?”我说:“我有强迫症。”医生:“你手指断了跟强迫症有什么关系?”我说:“十个手指九个都响,就它不响。

    0
     
  • mikaylagao pm5:46 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: 快递   

    让男人吃不消的爆笑老婆 

    1、从外地打工回来,想给老婆一个惊喜。到家门口我就敲门说:你好,我是快递公司的。
    老婆开门就说:别闹,我老公又不在,对什么暗号啊。
    我。。。

    2、我说老婆水桶腰,她竟然回我一句“不然哪来这么多水……”我也是醉了!

    3、“老公,有个好消息和坏消息,你先听哪个?”
    “好消息”
    “我刚才在你咖啡里放了片韦哥,三小时的药量。”
    “坏消息呢?”
    “我今天来大夷妈了!”

    4、“今天你打扮的这么漂亮啊!有什么开心的事吗?”
    “因为我老公。”
    “哦?你老公出差要回来啦?”
    “不是,因为他又要出差了。”

    5、老婆说今天他们单位的女的在比谁的老公最懒。有说从来不洗衣服的,有说从来不做家务的。有一三十来岁的女同事说:我老公除了我,其他啥也不干。。。

    0
     
  • ilenelester29 pm4:50 on 2019年2月15日
    标签: 快递,   

    小区里,最近经常有一美女来送快递 

      1、人啊,得学会说话。有的人就是杠子头,比方说我的这位兄弟。他第一次去女友家,去见见女方家人。吃饭的时候,自然得有话要说,女方的父亲,说:这些荤菜离不开葱姜蒜,否则就不好吃了。我兄弟真的很二,这样的情况下,还抬杠子。他说:做粥就用不到葱姜蒜。朋友们,你们说说这门亲事还能成吗?

      2、小区里,最近经常有一美女来送快递。小区的大妈们,就开始张罗起来了。大妈:姑娘,也挺好看的,有没有男朋友啊?我们这里老赵头的儿子,在事业单位工作,还是个小领导呢?一个月有4千多呢?我们帮你张罗张罗?美女:谢谢了!我一个月,有1万多呢?昨天捡到一个旧油灯,想把它擦干净,没擦两下,飞出个灯神。

      3、我和老公睡觉自己盖自己的被子,女儿小学3年级的时候。有一次我和老公躺在床上看电视,我女儿走进来看了我们一眼说,怪不得你们就生了我一个小孩,你们不懂生理,你们应该睡在一个被子里,当时我和我老公惊讶得都不知道说什么了。

    0
     
  • kindramoritz305 pm12:24 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 快递,   

    网络真是一个神奇的地方啊 

    1丶

    网络真是一个神奇的地方啊,  单身二十五年,终于在网上找到女朋友!  马上她就来我家了!!!  好了,不说了,快递到了,我去签收!

    2丶

    我就不明白了,  为什么这世界上那么多男淫都单身,  还有那么多女汉子求带走?

    3丶

    我们宿舍的老幺,单身,巨爱海贼王。  有一次,他穿了一件海贼王的T恤去上自习。  一妹子坐过来对他说:“同学,我也喜欢海贼王,我手机里有今天刚更新的那集,一起看嘛?”  同学看了看妹子说:“你这屏幕太小了,我回去用电看就好了。”  然后,就没有然后了。  我只能说,孩子,活该你一辈子没女朋友!

    0
     
  • jamesgl65421934 am10:16 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 快递, ,   

    社会 讽刺与挖苦的精选逗段 

    1、别看胖子们平时害怕露肉暴露自己,称体重时可是脱得精光呢,能少一两是一两。

    2、所谓单人床和双人床,跟宽度没关系,枕边有人就是双人床,单身睡再大的床也是单人床。

    3、那个让你在最高兴的时候一想起就会立即变得难过,又或者在最悲伤的时候一想起就会扬起微笑的人,叫做遗憾。

    4、比你优秀的人比你更努力,这个你可以接受。但是比你优秀的人,比你更不努力,你就懵了,凭啥呀?就凭你蠢。

    5、希望现在的男演员们,能分清妖孽和娘炮、风流和猥琐、英武和粗鲁、冰山和面瘫、自闭和弱智、眼睛里有雾和脑子里有水的本质区别。

    6、圣母和圣母婊的区别在于,圣母:那个人真可怜,我要去帮助。圣母婊:那个人真可怜,你们要去帮助他。

    7、一个人喝多了给你打电话,除了能确定他手机还有电,别的啥也不能确定。

    8、能全勤出席的孩子要么非常幸运、能一整年都不生病;要么非常不幸运、因为有对就算孩子生病也要让他去上学的父母。

    9、当有一天,你闺密突然放了一张你和她的合照做手机背景,你知道这说明什么吗?说明了这张照片她照得比你好看。

    10、当代青年主要运行项目是:取快递、取外卖!

    0
     
  • kindramoritz305 am9:53 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 快递   

    你的快递在路上 

    你的快递在路上

    0
     
  • juan073839801293 pm3:01 on 2019年2月13日
    标签: 快递,   

    我以豪赌为生,逢赌必赢,刚赢的 

      01、风险对冲

      眼下又出了一个经济新名词:“风险对冲”,那什么是风险对冲呢?

      一位老太太背包进银行存50万美金,总裁在VIP室亲自接待。

      总裁:”您老一生的积蓄?”

      老太太:哪里?我以豪赌为生,逢赌必赢,刚赢的!

      总裁:“不可能!”

      老太太:“不信就赌一把吧,明早你的屁股上会出现一个三角形的胎记,赌注就是这50万!”

      总裁狐疑不决,望着一袋现钞,决定应赌。老太太走后,总裁回到家对着镜子检查了好几遍,没有任何胎记,直到第二天约定时间再到VIP室。

      老太太早到,旁边站着一个穿着考究的律师。

      老太太:“今天律师作证检查你的屁股。”

      总裁:“真是没有胎记,更别提三角形的。”随后脱下裤子,让他们检查屁股…

      老太太看看:“果然没有,我输了。”

      这时律师脸色铁青,不停以头撞墙。

      律师:“她刚与我打赌150万美金,说她可以让一个银行总裁当面脱裤子让我看他屁股!”

      这就是风险对冲!

      预祝大家在2018年学会"风险对冲"。

      懂经济学的、聪明的老太太!

      02、学好汉语很重要

      隔壁老王缺德,给自己淘宝用户名用的是“我爹”俩字,每次快递员给他送货的时候总是很为难:

      “你是…我爹吗?”老王:是的!

      “你是我爹吧,下楼取快递。”老王:好的!

      “是…我爹…吧,这有你的快递…”

      快递员感到怎么说都觉得别扭,后来问自己的语文老师,得到了指点……

      快递员:喂!你好!你叫我爹对吧?

      老王:你……是?

      快递员:你是不是叫我爹?

      老王:你是谁?

      快递员:我问你叫我爹对不对?

      老王:你到底干啥?

      快递员:你要是叫我爹我就把快递给你送过去!你要不叫我爹就把快递退回去了啊!

      感谢语文老师。学好汉语很重要。

      03、限号新举措

      限号多没劲,有本事限性别,一三五男的出门,二四六女的上街,周日不限,每天13亿人出来6亿,窝着6亿,车也不堵了,天也蓝了,老婆出门老公放心了,老公出门老婆放心了,政府也省心,就连流氓都没目标了!也不用下岗了,厕所也不用中间垒墙了….太有才了!

    0
     
  • rudyspyer216 pm1:24 on 2019年2月13日
    标签: 快递,   

    搞笑段子:高铁进站刷身份证时,机器一直警报人脸识别失败 

      搞笑段子:高铁进站刷身份证时,机器一直警报人脸识别失败。后面跟着的小伙突然说:识别失败的原因一般是,身份证相片太丑,跟本人差距太大。我深有同感的点了点头。小伙子接着说:但你的不是,你是因为戴了个帽子!

      搞笑段子:女:“开门见山吧,我喜欢的男人是拥有高学历和广阔梦想的人。”男:“我很符合啊,你说的不就是我么?”女:“是么,那你的梦想是什么?”男:“我的梦想从儿时到现在一直没变过:“读万卷书,行万里路。”第一条我上学的时候已经完成了,第二条正是我如今从事的工作。”女:“真不错,你是从事什么工作的?”男:“我是送快递的。”

      搞笑段子:小时候,家里有一头牛,对于农村家庭,一头牛的重要性,不言而喻!爸妈把照顾牛的任务交给我,我也是费尽心思让它多吃草,多喝水。我自己觉得我和它关系可好了。一次,我觉得牛应该渴了,于是牵到池塘边让它喝水,可是它一口也不喝,只顾吃池塘边的草。我有点生气了,这点面子都不给,于是我一手把住一只牛角,强行把牛头按到水里让它喝水,结果它一甩头就把我扔进池塘了……

    0
     
  • revamacneil759 pm2:55 on 2019年2月12日
    标签: 快递   

    饥荒可能是你造成的 

    1丶

    在旅馆大厅里,一个非常瘦的人遇到了一个非常胖的人。

    胖子说:“看你的样子,可能有过饥荒。”

    “是的,”瘦子回答说,“看你的样子,饥荒可能是你造成的。”

    2丶

    在某宝买东西,SF快递打电话说我地址敏感,到不了。

    大哥,别这样歧视我们监狱上班的好不好?

    3丶

    在某厂内,厂长在和外商洽谈一笔生意,旁边坐着翻译。突然,外商打了一个喷嚏,巧的是,正好翻译鼻子痒痒,也打了一个喷嚏。 这时,厂长大骂:“这不用翻译,我听得懂! ”

    0
     
  • leonidaolds8 am10:04 on 2019年2月10日
    标签: , , 快递,   

    美女关切穷屌丝爆笑声 

    1丶

    1、早上没吃早饭就赶到办公室,一美女同事热心的递给我一盒伊利纯牛奶,一口气喝完,心里暖暖的。到了下午下班,美女关切地问我:你没事吧?我疑惑:没事啊。美女长舒一口气:那就好,原来过期的牛奶喝了不会拉肚子。2、我从家里带来一个脸盆,晚上没人的时候,就用饮水机里的热水泡脚。3、在单位的时候,俺的手机只当呼机用,我时常给在老家的老娘打电话,一打就是个把钟头。4、有一次,老婆回家忘带钥匙,我让单位的快递公司把钥匙快递回家——快递公司与单位的费用是月结的,我浪费了单位的10元钱。5、排队打疫苗,打完大夫都对人说:“禁酒,禁欲3天。”“禁酒,禁欲3天。”轮到我了,大夫说:“禁酒3天。”我疑惑:“我不需要禁欲吗?”“一眼看出你就是个没毕业的穷屌丝,禁个毛欲啊。”

    2丶

    1、蟑螂女深爱着螳螂男,屎壳郎男欲横刀夺爱:“亲爱的,你跟着螳螂那小子有啥好的。
    那小子是个典型的‘二把刀’,除了会耍两下双截棍还会干啥?你再看看我,搞低碳环保垄
    断行业的,市场巨大,特别熟悉‘滚雪球’式理财,而且搞运输,做仓储也非常在行。
    我向天发誓,保证你跟着我,天天吃香的,喝辣的,永远衣食无忧。”2、小耗子:妈妈,为什么总有猫来和我们作对?我们又没有招惹它。耗子妈:猫抓我们的理由就是去人类那儿邀功请赏,这样它就能过上无忧的生活。
    3、小猴:据说人类是由我们进化的,都是亲戚,他们为啥冷落我们?猴妈妈:小孩子懂什么?我们和人类虽然有些裙带关系,但已经是远房亲戚了,
    我们一穷二白,谁睬我们啊?

    3丶

    1.秘书小莉上班总是迟到。这天,快下班时,经理问小莉:“小莉同志,晚上有空吗?”
    小莉一直暗恋着这个年轻英俊的经理,一听这话,高兴得快晕过去,她立即回答道:“
    有空,我天天晚上都有空。”“那就请你每天晚上早点上床睡觉,免得天天上班迟到。”2.将军发现,一个士兵举止怪异:他总是拿起一张用过的纸,看一看,然后扔到一边,
    同时喃喃地说道:“不,要的不是这个。”将军命令心理医生给士兵看玻心理医生检查以后写道:此人有心理障碍,不宜当兵。士兵拿起诊断书,高兴地说:“对了,要的就是这个。”
    3.孩子:“爸爸,什么叫‘众寡悬殊’?”父亲:“那是形容旧社会穷人苦,许多寡妇活不下去,只好悬梁自尽。”母亲:“不对!‘众’就是大众,‘寡’就是寡妇,那是说普通人与寡妇的差别很大。”

    0
     

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