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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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 单身狗 | 贱萌萌_节操笑话|萌图,内涵图,内涵段子,搞笑图片,笑话

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Tagged: 单身狗 RSS Toggle Comment Threads | 键盘快捷键

  • wendellmcconnel pm1:39 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 单身狗   

    一只幸福的单身狗 

    一只幸福的单身狗

    0
     
  • thomasmccollom pm1:36 on 2019年2月18日
    标签: 单身狗, , , ,   

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨! 

      【幽默笑话】最近饮食没控制好,上火了,嘴唇有点肿。老婆拍了张照发了个微信朋友圈:叫你别惹我,你偏惹,这就是下场……今天我看见岳父发了个朋友圈:我可怜的女婿啊,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】带着侄子去见男友,男友对侄子说:我看你像个帅哥。侄子却回答:“远远看你也像帅哥,走近这么一看吧……”男友问:“像什么?”侄子答:“像姑父。”哎呦我的臭小侄子,姑平时没白疼你……

      

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】手指受伤了,淤血严重,肿了一个月,医生说要做手术取脓。早上男朋友来看我买了好多鸡爪,说可以以形补形。我白了他一眼说:你这是在咒我只剩下四根手指头?男朋友连忙说:那我下次不买鸡爪了,买其他的,买猪蹄!呜呜呜,人家哭的更凶了!

      

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】昨天去超市买喝的,没找到我要的,打算换家店,不成想在门口遇到了前任。出于礼貌,跟他打了个招呼:“呵呵,好巧啊!” 他也尴尬的回道:“是啊,好久不见!” 看着他手里的拿着的,不正是我最爱的那款饮料吗? 似乎察觉到了我的目光,一把将饮料塞到我手里,说道:“请你喝吧,你还是那么喜欢这款饮料,一点没变。”这时候,一个女人的声音传来,“亲爱的,买到我要的那个口味了吗?” 只见前任立马夺过我手里的饮料,笑眯眯来了句:“多谢妹子愿意把这瓶饮料让给我啊!”……这是什么人啊,这么善变!

      

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】一直以为大长腿,倒锥形网红脸只存在于小视频中,没想到今天我墙纸店就来了这样一位,进门就冲我喊:老板,我要换电视墙墙纸。我忙凑上前去……啧啧!头顶也就跟人家耳根齐,闻着美女身上散发的香味,短短一瞬间,别说送两卷电视墙墙纸,连以身相许的心都有了。美女微笑说:大哥,别靠太近太热情,要买的不热情也要买,不买的你靠进怀里也罔然。一语惊醒梦中人,我赶紧收敛心神明白:一切都特么浮云,唯有把生意做成了才是王道!

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】晚上和朋友喝完酒,我自己打车回家,刚上出租车,司机就问我:''小伙子,你是不是喝酒了?''我有点惊讶:''呦!师傅您这鼻子够灵的,都闻见我身上的酒味了?''司机说:'' 闻个屁啊!你从我车顶上下来先!''

    幽默笑话精选:可怜的女婿,你到底做错了什么,竟然这么惨!

      【幽默笑话】大年初二,我妈早早把我叫起来,我困不想起,我妈就扔给我一个红包,让我立刻马上起来。看见红包我当然起的飞快,而且嬉笑着问,妈,怎么这么大方了,昨天给了今天又给。我妈说,待会儿你的堂弟堂妹们,都要带着对象来咱家玩,你一个单身狗,我怕你尴尬,也嫌你丢人,红包里的是网费,你去网吧躲躲吧。

    0
     
  • ilenelester29 am9:29 on 2019年2月17日
    标签: 单身狗   

    看看人家的单身狗…. 

    看看人家的单身狗....

    0
     
  • piperdymock4236 pm5:07 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: , 单身狗,   

    收礼只收女朋友 

    1丶

    春节,恰逢小明生日,妈妈问小明想要什么礼物

    小明说今年过年不收礼。。。

    妈妈说奇怪啊,以往你都是要礼物的,比如iphone手机

    小明:我还没说完呢?收礼只收女朋友。所以,妈妈你送我个女朋友吧

    妈妈瞬间秒懂

    2丶

    情人节,圣诞节,春节,对于你们这帮秀恩爱的就是情人节,情人节mini,情人节Pro。

    有考虑过我们这帮单身狗的感受吗???

    3丶

    春节去老丈人家拜年,三个姐夫都在。做午饭前,老丈人问我会不会包饺子,我说会。老丈人笑了笑说:“那正好我们四个打扑克,你去陪她们包饺子吧。”

    0
     
  • rachaelshimp084 pm3:33 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗,   

    不想再做单身狗的最新笑话段子 

    1丶

    我跪在佛前。
    我:佛祖啊佛祖,求您显显灵吧!
    佛祖显灵。
    佛祖:信徒有何愿望?
    我:我不想再做单身狗了,我想有个模样漂亮,性格温顺的女友!
    佛祖:此事易尔!
    佛祖手一挥。
    我面前多了条母贵宾犬。
    我:……

    2丶

    我一直单身,找不到对象,很是烦恼。最近几天高温,更让人难受。当然,我不耐高温,还有比我更怕热的人。这不,我们单位的一位漂亮妹子热的受不了了,她问我:“你家有空调吗?”
    我说:“有。”
    妹子:“好啊好啊,我中午去你家午休,蹭一下你家的空调。”
    我说:“不行不行,电费很贵的。”
    妹子:“活该你单身。”

    3丶

       暗恋已久的女神表白了;  女神:“我喜欢一个人。”  我:“谁?”  女神:“我喜欢一个人。”  我:“谁啊?”  女神:“我喜欢一个人!”  我:“到底谁啊?”  女神:“姐喜欢单身!”

    0
     
  • wendellmcconnel pm2:45 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗   

    国庆单身的不放假的最新内涵笑话 

    1丶

    老板:国庆放假通知,不是单身的放7天,单身的不放假!
    小明:为什么单身的不放假?
    老板:因为全公司就你和新来的女员工王丽是单身,所以放假期间公司就交给你了!
    放假第二天,
    老板打电话:刚才大楼保安说公司今天没人去,我不是说过单身正常上班么?
    小明:昨天我去公司的时候,遇见胖妞王丽也来加班,俺俩相处一日后就决定在一起了!
    老板:靠,你TM的为了放假也是拼了!

    2丶

    牛顿一辈子没结婚,他创立牛顿三定律,万有引力定律,英国皇家学会会长,造币厂厂长,开创近代物理……
    张三丰一辈子没结婚,活到了200多岁,在一百二十多岁的时候创立太极拳,威震江湖……
    孙悟空一辈子没结婚,活了不知多少岁,大闹过天宫、闯过龙宫、闹过地府,最后成了斗战胜佛……
    ……
    不用我多说了吧,都特码别惹我,我也是单身狗!

    3丶

    女神害羞地说:我结婚的时候,希望你也在场。
    我:你想我去观礼?
    女神:当然不是,你怎么那么笨!!我要你当那个没有你我就结不成婚的人!
    我顿时大喜:你想我当神父给你证婚?哇,我早想过一把神父的瘾了,好,就这么定了。
    女神:……

    0
     
  • adriannedeyoung pm2:44 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗,   

    股民单身的原因 

    1丶

    甲:力哥,你都37了,为什么还不结婚!
    乙:都怪股市,我女朋友是投资经理,2007年,我向她求婚,她说只要股票到了6200点我就嫁给你,谁知一等就是十年。
    甲:哥,按照目前的形式,您起码120岁才能结婚。

    2丶

    三个女单身狗比惨
    甲:女单身狗真不容易,每次到食堂打饭都是自己!
    乙:可不是吗,每次吃饭吃到一半,去买个馒头的空,盘子就被收走了。
    丙:唉,今天我吃到一半,去买馒头,为了防止盘子被收走,特意把钥匙、书本放到盘子旁边,等我买馒头回来,盘子连同钥匙和书本都被收走了。

    3丶

    我:我是不是一看就知道是单身狗?
    哥们:是!
    我:那要怎样才能让人看不出来!
    哥们走了过来,牵起我的手,深情款款道:这样别人就看不出来了!
    尼玛,滚!!

    0
     
  • sammyhorder5 pm2:21 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗   

    活该你是单身狗的原创笑话大全 

    1丶

    我去天蓬元帅庙跪求:元帅啊,咱们都是单身狗,求你可怜我,赐我一个女朋友吧!
    天蓬元帅显灵了,道:你可知,我现在是净坛使者?
    我:知道啊,那又怎样?
    天蓬元帅:你空着手就来许愿,太不会做人了吧!
    我恍然大悟,跑了出去。过一会儿,拿回来一个坛子。
    天蓬元帅大喜:你这拿的是什么啊?
    我:就一酒坛子啊,你不是净坛使者么,肯定喜欢洗坛子,我拿来给你洗啊!
    天蓬元帅大怒:滚,活该你做单身狗!

    2丶

    小明:“妈,我新买的毛巾在哪儿啊?”
    小明妈:“啥毛巾啊?长啥样啊?”
    小明:“就是那个画着一只大白狗的毛巾。”
    小明妈:“哦,你说那个啊,我给呦呦了,它太喜欢这个毛巾了,一看见就冲上去舔个不停。我告诉它那是只假狗它也不听。”
    小明:“这不能怪它,做单身狗太久了都这样,它也不例外!”

    3丶

    小明单身很多年,一直想找个女朋友,一天去拜访大师。
    小明:大师,我为什么这么多年一直单身呢?而其他人却可以包二奶,养小三?
    大师:你看到鱼缸里的这条鱼和河里的鱼的区别了么?
    小明:大师你是说我要多出去和别人交流不要一个人待在家里?
    大师:我的意思是说穷则独善其身,达则兼济天下!
    小明:我去!

    0
     
  • lawerencebleau pm1:29 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗   

    你的是什么狗 

    1丶

    眼看着双十一光棍节就要到了,  于是跑贴吧发了条『单身狗求配对啊』的帖子。  后面有位朋友回复  『我家里有一只萨摩耶,你的是什么狗』  我……

    2丶

    一次和同学去复印,复印店的是个漂亮妹纸,在吃饭。  我:那妹子长的不错,有气质。  同学来了句:光顾着看她吃的是啥,没注意。  吃货活该单身啊!

    3丶

    一次去酒吧喝酒,和旁边的酒友调侃。  酒友:“我看您天天来酒吧休闲,您一定是个单身。”  我:“你说对了”。  酒友:“单身是因为您自身的条件不好吗?”  我:“当然不是!我可以迷倒任何一个女人。”  酒友:“真的还假的?那您是……”  我:“我是麻醉师。”

    0
     
  • dessiespooner9 pm1:15 on 2019年2月14日
    标签: 单身狗   

    你兄弟单身的原因就是你 

    1丶

    八月十五回娘家送节礼,吃过饭老妈又唠叨起来。
    老妈:“你兄弟今年都30多了,连个对象都没有,都怪你这个死丫头。”
    我一头雾水:“怎么什么都怪我?”
    老妈:“第一,他经常见你打骂老公,心里畏惧。第二,你兄弟看到你家又脏又乱,心里发毛。第三,他看到你逢年过节就来送礼,吓的谈女色变。在你兄弟结婚之前,以后逢年过节不要来送节礼了。”
    我:“这么好?”
    老妈:“偷偷的把钱转给我吧”
    我:“啊~”

    2丶

    儿子到家看到老妈在那生闷气:老妈,你这是跟谁生气呢?
    老妈不理……
    儿子:老妈,这么大岁数了,生气对生气不好,你说说啊,到底咋的了?
    老妈:有什么好说的,我现在只想骂人!
    儿子:从小你骂我还少吗?现在想骂你就骂我两句。
    停了会,老妈:算了!
    儿子:心情好点了?不想骂了?
    老妈:我想骂人。
    儿子:想骂你就骂两句啊,怎么又说算了呢?
    老妈:你说,我想骂的是人,跟你一单身狗计较什么啊?
    儿子:……

    3丶

    哥们:以后请不要叫我单身狗。
    我:为什么?
    哥们:我已经找到工作了。
    我:工作跟是不是单身狗什么关系?
    哥们:有工作的单身狗应该叫工作犬。
    我:老铁没毛病……

    0
     

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