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PHP Version 5.4.45


System Linux VM_143_218_centos 3.10.0-514.26.2.el7.x86_64 #1 SMP Tue Jul 4 15:04:05 UTC 2017 x86_64
Build Date Jun 5 2017 17:13:39
Configure Command './configure' '--prefix=/www/server/php/54' '--with-config-file-path=/www/server/php/54/etc' '--enable-fpm' '--with-fpm-user=www' '--with-fpm-group=www' '--with-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-mysqli=mysqlnd' '--with-pdo-mysql=mysqlnd' '--with-iconv-dir' '--with-freetype-dir=/usr/local/freetype' '--with-jpeg-dir' '--with-png-dir' '--with-zlib' '--with-libxml-dir=/usr' '--enable-xml' '--disable-rpath' '--enable-bcmath' '--enable-shmop' '--enable-sysvsem' '--enable-inline-optimization' '--with-curl=/usr/local/curl' '--enable-mbregex' '--enable-mbstring' '--with-mcrypt' '--enable-ftp' '--with-gd' '--enable-gd-native-ttf' '--with-openssl=/usr/local/openssl' '--with-mhash' '--enable-pcntl' '--enable-sockets' '--with-xmlrpc' '--enable-zip' '--enable-soap' '--with-gettext' '--disable-fileinfo' '--enable-intl'
Server API FPM/FastCGI
Virtual Directory Support disabled
Configuration File (php.ini) Path /www/server/php/54/etc
Loaded Configuration File /www/server/php/54/etc/php.ini
Scan this dir for additional .ini files (none)
Additional .ini files parsed (none)
PHP API 20100412
PHP Extension 20100525
Zend Extension 220100525
Zend Extension Build API220100525,NTS
PHP Extension Build API20100525,NTS
Debug Build no
Thread Safety disabled
Zend Signal Handling disabled
Zend Memory Manager enabled
Zend Multibyte Support provided by mbstring
IPv6 Support enabled
DTrace Support disabled
Registered PHP Streamshttps, ftps, compress.zlib, php, file, glob, data, http, ftp, phar, zip
Registered Stream Socket Transportstcp, udp, unix, udg, ssl, sslv3, tls
Registered Stream Filterszlib.*, convert.iconv.*, mcrypt.*, mdecrypt.*, string.rot13, string.toupper, string.tolower, string.strip_tags, convert.*, consumed, dechunk

Zend logo This program makes use of the Zend Scripting Language Engine:
Zend Engine v2.4.0, Copyright (c) 1998-2014 Zend Technologies
    with Zend Guard Loader v3.3, Copyright (c) 1998-2013, by Zend Technologies

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  • waylonlaing772 am9:09 on 2019年2月13日
    标签: , 内涵段子   

    搞笑内涵段子:这年也过完了,我正要准备返城上班 

      搞笑内涵段子:今天老王又向我抱怨道:“兄弟,你说说现在的段子手真的是很可恶,怎么老是写我,我这是招谁惹谁了?再说了我有那么坏吗?更何况我根本就不是那样的人好吧!现在害得隔壁邻居们都在提防着我,闲得无聊连串门聊天都不让了,你说我这日子该怎么过啊?”

      然后我安慰他道:“这才多大点事啊!根本就不是事,再说了不串门就不串门呗!有什么大不了啊!”

      然后老王一脸无辜地说道:“你说的倒是轻巧,你不串门没啥事,但是我不串门的话,你让我怎么看望我的亲生儿子啊?”

      搞笑内涵段子:这年也过完了,我正要准备返城上班,所有的东西也都收拾好了,正要提起行李箱准备走了的时候,我老妈拉了个邻村的媒婆王大妈过来,她也提着个行李箱,当时我比较纳闷,我这都准备出发回去了,难道还要给我相亲吗?

      我看到我老妈一边把王大妈的行李箱往我车上放,一边对我说道:“你王大妈和你一起进城,到时你给她随便租个房子住,她的主要任务就是负责给你物色女朋友,等你什么时候找到女朋友了,她就什么时候回来,你王大妈的工资不用你给,她的工资和其它的开销都由我来开!”

      当时我就懵圈了,我的天哪?这样都可以吗?你还真是我的亲妈啊!

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  • roxannaparry61 am11:29 on 2018年11月22日
    标签: , 内涵段子,   

    喝酒的内涵段子为你准备好了 

      算命

      有一次,我的一个外地的朋友到青岛办事,朋友们去饭店聚了一下,结果他喝得有点高。到了酒店后,死活不肯把房间钥匙拿出来,没办法,我们只好去酒店前台另想办法。等我们和服务员一起回到房间门口的时候,只见他正津津有味地把自己的钱包里的钞票、信用卡、名片之类的玩艺一张一张整整齐齐地摆在地上。看到我们后,他兴奋而欣喜地说:“来来来,我给你们算上一卦!”

      把车还我

      我一哥儿,就喜欢酒后驾车,一次,回家时正碰上警察在查车。就在他暗叫倒霉下车接受检查的时候,警察接了个电话,捧着手机,指手画脚,滔滔不绝地说了起来。他一看有机可趁,就悄悄地返回车里,趁打电话的警察不备,风风火火地把车开回了家。到了第二天,有人来敲他家的门,正是昨天的那个警察。他的酒现在已经醒了,自然理直气壮地质问警察:“你来干什么?有什么事?”

    喝酒的内涵段子为你准备好了

      警察说:“你的车我已经给你开到了门口,现在,你把警车还给我吧。”

      一商人乘出租车外出,汽车在盘山公路忽然打滑,司机吓得大叫:“刹车不灵,我该怎么办?”商人冲他大喊:“快关上计价器,你这个笨蛋!”

      一位农民要给老丈人买一辆车,可是只有2000元怎么够呢?于是就查书,一看!耶!“桑塔纳2000块,再继续看,宝马600,奥迪200,心想我有2000元可以买十辆奥迪啊!”于是就来到了汽车销售市场,对服务员说:“小姐,给来十辆奥迪!”服务员听了吓了一大跳,啊!对那位农民说:“那边的马自达才6块,到那边去买吧!”

    喝酒的内涵段子为你准备好了

      愁死人了,小问题没人看啊,那就讲个笑话吧:

      “美国, 香港, 中国大陆三地警察的实力测试”

      美国, 香港, 中国大陆三地警察的实力测试

      为了测试美国, 香港, 中国大陆三地警察的实力, 联合国将三只兔子放在三个森林中, 看 三地警察谁先找出兔子. 任务:找出兔子 第一个森林前是美国警察, 他们先花整整半天时间开会制定作战计划, 严格分工, 然后派 特种部队快速进入森林进行地毯式搜索, 结果开会耽搁了时间, 兔子跑了, 任务失败!!!! 然后轮到香港警察, 他们派了一百多号人和几十辆警车在身临其境外一字排开, 由带头人 用喇叭喊话: "兔子,兔子,你已经被包围了, 快出来投降…… " 半天过去了, 没动静. 飞 虎队进入森林, 搜索一遍, 没结果, 任务失败!!!! 最后是中国警察, 只有四个, 先打了一天麻将, 黄昏时一人拿一警棍进入森林,没五分钟, 听到森林里传来一阵动物的惨叫, 中国警察一人抽着一根烟有说有笑的出来, 后面拖着一 只鼻青脸肿的熊, 熊奄奄一息的说到: "不要再打了, 我就是兔子…."

    喝酒的内涵段子为你准备好了

      有两个外地兄弟来到某城市,<有一间酒馆>俩人大喝起来,酒过三熏后都已大醉,出了酒店门口.一位老兄问到''兄弟你看天上那圆圆亮亮的是'''太阳'''还是月亮?哎呀!大哥您忘了我们不是本地人,咱哪知道是<太阳>还是<月亮>.飞机处于起飞状态中,轰鸣声甚大,空姐A与空姐B坐在头等仓闲聊……)

      空姐A:“看,那个旅客的鼻毛露出来了,呵呵~”

      空姐B:“ 听不见,你说什么?”

      空姐A只好又大声重复了一遍,结果空姐B依然摇头示意听不见。

      这时,那名旅客走了过来,凑到空姐B耳边说:“小姐,她说我的鼻毛露出来了!”-_-!

    下午玩手机走路,不小心撞到一个柱子上去了,旁边老公在旁边使劲的嘲笑我,气的我当场一个回旋踢,准备把我老公干趴下的  结果又踢柱子上去了,那真是钻心的疼啊

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  • 最萌的贱人 am11:06 on 2018年11月22日
    标签: , 内涵段子,   

    关于喝酒的内涵段子精选大全 

      又哭又笑

      ,前年的冬天,认识了一个女孩。气质好得不得了。我们俩几乎每天都粘在一起。晚上不是去泡酒吧就是去泡迪厅。有一次晚上,我们喝得醉醺醺地回了家。她回家之后就开始闹。哭啊,哭得可厉害了。她自己一个人躲在卫生间里哭。我把门踹开把她拉出来,她又钻到大衣橱里去了,接着哭。好不容易把她弄到床上,她又抱着我哭。这还不算完,看到手边的手机,砰的一下,狠狠地往墙壁上砸去。

    我就那么眼睁睁地看着那漂亮的折叠式手机分成两半。第二天,她睡醒过来。撑着脑袋看着地上断成两截的手机,气呼呼地跑下楼拎了个砖头上来。我莫名其妙地看着她。只见这位小姐拿起砖头狠狠地砸向手机,将外壳砸开后,她取出里面的零件,笑眯眯地看着我说:“呵呵,这些零件值300块钱呢,把它卖了再凑钱买个手机!”

    关于喝酒的内涵段子精选大全

      太可惜了

      一次关系单位来请我们同事喝酒,请客的地点是一家挺高档的酒楼,鲍鱼燕窝什么的,点了一大堆。席间大家频频举杯,轮番混战,也不知道喝了多少瓶红酒,只记得走的时候,我的一个同事在酒店楼下呕吐不止,一边吐一边惋惜地叫着:“我的鲍鱼呀,我的鱼翅呀,可惜了。”

      从南京到镇江

      我认识一大哥,南京人,特喜欢喝酒。那时他来来去去都骑一辆小木兰摩托车,有一晚,他喝醉了,但仍骑着他的摩托车回家。当时他也看不清路了,只知道晕晕乎乎地沿着312国道一路前行。记不清骑了多久,等他有点清醒的时候,冷不丁地抬头一看,眼前的一个招牌竟然是“镇江大酒店”。他居然从南京骑小木兰摩托车骑到了镇江!更狠的是,他又骑着小木兰再从镇江骑回南京。

    关于喝酒的内涵段子精选大全

      情义绵绵

      有一个平时做派很文雅的男士喝高了,去一棵小树旁方便,完事了抽身要走,却感觉有人扯住了他,他回头推辞:“不,不,太晚了,我该回去了,妹妹再见。”无奈就是走不脱。等他的人看他一个人忙活,等得不耐烦了,也过来跟他一起劝解:“小姐,你松手吧,我们以后再来,机会有的是呢。”来来回回推辞一个多小时之后,他们才发现,他其实是把腰带连人带树一起捆上了,还跟树好一阵情意绵绵……

      认错了

      我哥哥单位发年终奖金,他和几个要好的同事一起上饭店庆祝了一通。酒足饭饱之后,哥哥出来用车钥匙开自行车,却无论如何都打不开。哥哥心想,可能是因为自己喝多了,手发抖的缘故吧?反正今天发了挺多钱,干脆打个车回家得了。于是他把那辆自行车放到出租车的后备箱里,乘出租车回到了家。第二天醒酒后,哥哥来到楼下一看,坏了!他还得打车再把自行车给拉回去。原来,昨晚上被他拉回家的是同事小李的自行车!

    关于喝酒的内涵段子精选大全

      到家了

      我的一个邻居,喜欢喝酒,常醉。有一次,他喝醉之后上了出租车,司机缓缓开着车等他说去哪里。可等了半天也没动静,回头一看,他正脱衣服呢。司机吓一跳,连忙问:“先生,你这是干什么!”他说:“到家了,我要脱衣服睡觉!”司机赶紧告诉他:“这是我的车,不是你的家。”他呆呆想了一会儿,大声喊:“快,快回到我上车的地方去!”司机问为什么,他说:“我刚才以为到家了,把鞋给脱门口了!”

    0
     
  • roxannaparry61 pm3:33 on 2018年11月21日
    标签: , 内涵段子   

    关于喝酒的搞笑段子 

      关于、酒桌上的内涵段子,喜欢的不要错过哦!

      1、小快活,顺墙摸;

      大快活,顺地拖。

      人在江湖走,哪能不喝酒

      不会喝酒,前途没有

      喝九量,重点培养

      只喝饮料,领导不要

      能喝不输,领导秘书

      一喝就倒,官位难保

      长喝嫌少,人才难找

      一半就跑,升官还早

      全程领跑,未来领导

      2、来时夫人有交代,少喝酒来多吃菜。

      酒壮英雄胆,不服老婆管

      酒量不高怕丢愁,自我约束不喝酒。

      量小非君子,无毒不丈夫

      市场经济搞竞争,快将美酒喝一盅。

      3、春眠不觉晓,处处闻啼鸟,举杯问姑娘,我该喝多少?—姑娘说了算

      少小离家老大回,这杯我请姑娘陪。—与在座姑娘对饮一杯。

    0
     
  • 最萌的贱人 pm10:23 on 2015年9月4日
    标签: 内涵段子   

    9.4内涵段子! 


    1、老师:如果老师被恶徒劫持,他想杀人灭口,于是拿刀捅我,而你在旁边,你该怎么办? 小明;看他捅得准不准了! 老师;为什么??? 小明;没捅中,给他一瓶脉动~。。。捅中了,给他一条炫迈! 老师;滚出去!

    2、现在的女孩子也特么不讲卫生,对面楼女孩都三天没有洗澡了!

    3、上半年股票涨的时候,我吃什么,狗吃什么。下半年股票开始跌了,狗吃什么,我吃什么。再这么下去,我可能要吃狗了!

    4、新学期一开学我儿子问我∶父亲一栏的职业怎么填?写股民么? 我犹豫了一下就说∶写多家上市公司股东。

    5、下雨天,公交车上了一位姑娘。 那姑娘刚进车里就说了一句”车里真暖和,跟被窝一样!” 后来不知道谁默默的问了一句”你被窝里这么多人?”

    6、昐了两个月,终于等到要开学了,结果太让我失望了,看到了不少学妹,有的长的像学姐,有的长的像学长,还有的尼玛长的像家长。。。

    7、前几天的时候,在朋友圈看到一个土豪感叹道:隔壁的wife超好,用起来真爽!我心中讥笑到:果然有钱人都没文化,连wifi都打错! 现在突然幡然醒悟,自己还是太年轻!

    8、客人:前台你好,我住816房间,我房间这个被子有点潮哦! 前台:谢谢夸奖先生,您真有眼光,这的确是今年最新款的被子!

    9、现在炒股的感受就是,被强奸了好几遍还舍不得下床,对方每次掏口袋我们都以为在掏钱给我们,结果掏出个套子,按在床上又来一遍……

    10、25年前我还是一个天真无邪的孩子!直到几年前出了个广告,我的人生就陷入了黑暗!我叫付言杰。。。

     

     

     

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  • 最萌的贱人 am10:18 on 2015年9月1日
    标签: 内涵段子   

    9.1精选内涵段子!! 


    1、一天,一位小学老师发现班上有一对小情侣 但她并没有叫家长 而是第二天重新排了座位 把班里最漂亮的女孩排在了男生旁边 把一个帅气的小正太排在女生旁边,于是不出一个星期 那一对就散了!! 事实证明,姜还是老的辣。

    2、坐公交人巨多,一对夫妻探讨买车的事。 男的说:奔奔好,长安出的。 女的不以为然说,还是QQ好,腾讯出的!名气大!! 车上立马没声了!!腾讯出的……腾讯…

    3、姐姐:“弟弟,不管以后日子有多穷,哪怕我只有十块我都愿给你九块。” 弟弟:“姐,你真好。那如果你有十万块呢?” 姐姐:“那我就把十块钱都给你!”

    4、我妈跟我说路边摆摊赚钱的都是跟我差不多大的学生,而你就只会贪玩。我想了一下,确实该有副成年人的模样了,于是拨通了城管大队的电话举报了他们。

    5、什么是好哥们?就是你心仪的女孩,拿瓶饮料让你哥们帮她拧开。你哥们假装拧不动,于是把这个表现的机会让给你,你接过来信手一拧,没拧开。

    6、昨天突然想回小学看一看,一转眼都十年了,上初中搬家后就一直没有来过。 在临近小学的那户人家,依然趴着一只大黑狗。当我走近时,它蔑视的看了我一眼,接着低头舔自己的爪子。 我笑了,还是它,竟然还活着。 于是我如当年一样俯身捡起一块小石子朝它扔去… 然后,我又去了十年前去过的诊所、注射狂犬疫苗…

    7、刚刚在我们宿舍楼下,一个男生跟我们宿舍的一女神妹子表白,拿个喇叭,在那里喊“林xx,你愿意做我女朋友吗?我可以想什么时候上你就什么时候上你吗?” 这时候,我们宿舍长对着楼下那人叫到:对不起这位爷,客满了! 瞬间楼下看热闹的人就炸了!

    8、一天,我去内衣店买内裤。一进门,我问老板。“老板,有没有四角的内裤?” 老板:“我去,这里最便宜的进价都是十块!”

    9、别人总说欢乐的时光是短暂的,可是陪女朋友一直滚床单总觉才过了一分钟似的..

    10、都说去玩厕所不冲不文明,但是今天我要感谢那位没冲便便的大哥,要不是你的便便挡住了我的手机我这会儿也没法发段子了!谢谢

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  • 最萌的贱人 pm4:38 on 2015年8月27日
    标签: 内涵段子, ,   

    紧急通知!!!! 


    紧急通知! 请大家不要再黑新东方和蓝翔了,真的没玩笑再开了,事情已经不是我们能想象得到的严重程度了,他们已经报警了,说到网警报案!他们只要把数据调查清楚,就可以查出你的姓名、年龄,然后一步一步的挖出你的地址,咦?说道挖,那么问题就来了!挖掘机技术哪家强?贱萌萌

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  • 最萌的贱人 pm4:34 on 2015年8月27日
    标签: 内涵段子   

    一波内涵段子!!!! 


    1.上高中时 ,宿舍5个人 一天晚上我们4个人在打牌 ,还有一个人早就滚去被窝了。结果打嗨了 、半夜老师来查房 一进门就掀起那货的被子。上去就两巴掌说;装!还教你装睡!

    2.第一用马桶不太习惯。说实话确实有点高,没办法好不容易拉完了。提着裤子出了厕所,就听见有人喊:“卧槽,谁TM把屎拉洗手盆里了!”

    3.还记得高三的时候上晚自习,同桌看小时代,结果班主任下来发现了,然后……然后……“这书谁的!”“郭敬明的”“你告诉那个叫郭敬明的同学,他下次要是再敢把课外书带到学校,我就给他撕儿它!”

    4.女友刚通过了路考,于是就让她开车带我去市里。     停车场很挤,找到车位时,她发现要平行停车,一下子就紧张了起来。     “我相信你亲爱的,想想路考时你是怎么过的,再来一次就可以了!”我鼓励她。于是她俯身慢慢拉开了我的裤子拉链。

    5.我对女朋友说:人家都说别的女人皮肤特别好,又滑又嫩,,一摸就能挤出水来,你再看看你,一点也不嫩,更别说是能挤出水了! 女朋友说:那是你挤错了地方!

    6.我一同学买早饭,掉了七十块钱,不抱怨也不生气,我们很费解,遂问。他说:掉完钱之后,他回家撸了一管,就当去嫖了,七十块嫖一次,值了~

    7.“兄弟你疤是咋回事,”“10几年前别被狗咬的” “被咬了打针没”。“没有”。“那你得小心点,狂犬病潜伏期15年左右.!” “奥。我说怎么这几天见电线杆就想抬腿呢……”

    8.今天和女朋友闹别扭,她上了辆出租车去走了,我急急忙忙也拦了辆出租车,对司机说:师傅,追上前面那辆,我给你200快。这时师傅对着对讲机说:老王,你停下车~我当时就蒙了~~~

    9.男子嫌女友胸小。手放在女友胸前默念 大~大~大 女友拿开男友的手说 买定离手,两点小,庄赢! 女友随后把手放到男友弟弟上说 买定离手,一点小,老王赢!

    10.女儿:“妈妈,爸爸可能有外遇了!” 妈妈:“怎么这么说老爸呢?” 女儿:“昨天给老爸打电话一个女的接的” 妈妈:“哦,她怎么说的?” 女儿:“你拨打的电话已关机,请稍后再拨” 妈妈:“傻孩子,那是人工台自动回复的,以后不要乱说老爸了!” 女儿:“可是那个女的刚说完,我老爸接着说了一句,你真聪明”

    11.我大学毕业了,在苏州工作。 老爸打电话问:有没有找到女朋友? 我很不耐烦,这话问过几十次了。 我回道:找到了。 老爸开心地问:是个什么样的女孩? 我:高高胖胖的。 老爸:高高的可以,不要太胖的。 我:那好,我把她的气放掉一些。贱萌萌

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  • 最萌的贱人 pm9:01 on 2015年8月22日
    标签: 内涵段子   

    警察真的特别不容易,我们也要体谅体谅! 

    贱萌萌

    0
     
  • 最萌的贱人 am11:32 on 2015年8月17日
    标签: 内涵段子   

    神技能,get! 

    贱萌萌

    1
     

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